Summer Reading, pt. 3

by Brandon

Nostalgia is a funny creature. While I can muster no nostalgia as an adult for childhood favorites like G.I. Joe or Transformers, I can get very nostalgic about comic books. Remember new comic book day? This weekly event was a cherished day for me when I was tween and teenager. I can remember going into a shop on Wednesday or Thursday to buy the latest issue of X-Men or whatever bad girl book was "hot" back in the day. New comic book day was once a time honored tradition for me and many fans. With the advent of online mail order comic book stores, that time has passed. Now new comic book day has been replaced by new comic book week; the week when my monthly shipment of comic books arrive. I usually try to pace out my comic book reading to keep the freshly read feeling alive for a month. This month was different. For some reason, I burned through my stack of books like a man possessed. For this week's installment of my Summer Reading Reviews, I will highlight some of the best hits and worst misses from the batch.

Batman & Robin #1
This issue reminded me so much of this creative team's run on All-Star Superman. I'm not a Superman fan at all, but they managed to make Superman seem relevant and hip. That's right, they made the whitest boy scout this side of Idaho seem cool. I kind of got that buzz with Batman & Robin #1. The new dynamic between the new Dynamic Duo was actually pretty good. I don't read Batman titles regularly, but let's face it; replacing Bruce Wayne is sort of a dumb idea that almost everyone knows won't last longer than a couple of years. But reading this issue made me kind of wish DC would hold back on pulling that trigger for a while. The way Dick and Damian play off one another was fresh and new. This was the only issue of the Batman relaunch titles I pre-ordered. Based on the strength of this one issue, I decided to go pick up two others off the newsstand.

Detective Comics # 854
What's this? A lesbian Batwoman! Yes! YES! I can't wait to read all the steamy scenes of Batwoman and her Rogue's Gallery (a euphemism, for sure) doing the wildest, most outrageous sexual position on each other. This is going to be awesome! What? You mean she doesn't spend the whole issue getting Catwoman to do kinky things with her cape? Shit. Well, I guess I'll have to read it now... And it wasn't that bad! A lot has been made of the act that Batwoman is a lesbian, and on a serious note, that's not the reason I picked up this book either. Some very positive things have been said about Rucka's first salvo in the revamped Detective Comics. This was the only comic I picked up off the newsstand last week. It wasn't a bad impulse buy. Rucka is always an engaging writer, but the thing that really brew me in (pun intended) was the art. J.H. Williams has been one of my favorite artists since I picked the first four issues of Promethea years ago on a new comic book day. I think he is the best artist working in comic books today. Period. The artwork here in Detective Comics is lush and moody, establishing the perfect vibe for this book. I don't think I ever really followed Detective Comics regularly, but I may add this to the ye ol' pull list.

Batman #688
Judd Winick is one of those creators that I just don't really get. His work on Green Arrow was a turn off for me. Internet trolls are quick to point out that he is somewhat of a one trick pony, and I hate to agree with them, but there are certain trends that crop up in many of Judd Winick's comics. How long before we find out Damian has AIDS? The real thing that brought me into this impulse buy was Mark Bagley's always wonderful artwork. This issue was sort of pedestrian in comparison to Batman & Robin and Detective Comics. That's not to say it was bad. This issue was entertaining, but a little on the lighter side next to the other two titles I sampled. I like the fact that we get to see two classic villains here with Penguin and Two-Face. As much as I dislike month in, month out superhero fisticuffs, I have a soft spot for Batman's rogues gallery. I like reading stories about those classic villains despite the fact that it's all nearly been done before. I also enjoyed the training scene we see between Dick and Damian. There is limitless potential for this new Dynamic duo. I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time, I am genuinely excited about the Bat Books. Maybe killing Bruce Wayne off wasn't such a bad idea.

Booster Gold #22
This issue of Booster Gold was okay for the most part. While Jurgens' art was decent, I have no real connection with the Teen Titans or Deathstroke from the 1980s. This issue spent a lot of time pulling on the nostalgia string pretty hard, but it doesn't work when there is nothing there to pull. I spent most of the issue struggling to get to the next scene. As a reader, I hope that there will be some closure soon to this time traveling Black Beetle business. Surely DC can't expect this series to soldier on for all perpetuity having Booster Gold correct little missives in the past. Right? The second feature with Blue Beetle was still very entertaining and has enticed me to go back and check out the last series. The second feature makes paying $3.99 more bearable and it gives characters like Blue Beetle a second chance at living on in the printed world.

Unwritten #2
The Unwritten is the best Vertigo book being published now. I know it doesn't have stiff competition, but two-issues into he series, I can already tell that this will be classic Vertigo. If you are not familiar with the premise, Tom Taylor is the basis for a fictional Boy Wizard Tommy Taylor. Tom has been living off the fumes of his now missing father's successful Tommy Taylor novels for years. Things start to go awry when Tom finds out he may not be who he thinks he is. This book is chock full of mystery and stellar characters. Tom Taylor practically jumped into this series as a fully developed character from the first page because of the associations we all have with Harry Potter and the ever familiar struggling celebrity. If you're not reading this book, shame on you!


Astonishing X-Men #30
After reading their first Astonishing X-Men arc, I would like to respectfully request that Warren Ellis and Simon Bianchi step up their game. If this were a class, this arc was a D- effort at best. After the six issues of this arc and overpriced two-issue miniseries, I still don't understand what a Ghost Box is and nor do I care. It was sad to see Forge turned into a crazed mutant terrorist for the sake of this story. I don't mind the characterization because Forge has always needed a little more flare in order to remove the stench of lame from him. I had such great expectations for this stellar creative team, but they barely managed to make a sputter in terms of impact and seemingly effort. I'm sorry guys. Let's do better next time, okay?

Punisher: Naked Kill
This book was just brutal. When Frank Castle starts to unwind a snuff pornography film ring, readers just have to know that it is bound to get dirty. I remember an older issue of Punisher from the late 1980s or early 1990s where Frank ended up taking down a pornography ring at a Naval boys school. The whitewash of the Comic Code at the time prevented anything realistic coming out of that story. That just isn't the case here. What is described and shown is just brutal. Frank castle isn't much of a talker, but this particular one-shot gives him a lot of air time. This approach doesn't really work well for the Punisher, but it just clicks here. Suspense and supernatural story writer Jonathan Maberry really gets into a groove with Frank here right off the bat. At the very beginning of the issue, someone asks Frank to trade with him in return for his life. "I look like I'm here to swap Pokemon cards?" quips Frank as he fires off a round just above the crook's head. "Talk Fast, asshole. Clock's ticking." Indeed. For those folks who gave up on Frank when Garth Ennis left the title, I recommend you come back to give this issue a try. It's well worth the $3.99 price of admission.


Ultimate Spider-Man #133
& Ultimatum #4
I have made no bones about how awful I think Ultimatum has been for the Ultimate Marvel line. These two issues could be exhibits 1,843 and 1,844 in the trial against Ultimatum. The final issue of Ultimate Spider-Man was disappointing. This issue lacked any dialogue. It was completely silent. Remember the Nuff Said event from years ago? Interesting, but lame. It was jarring, which I get was kind of the point, but for $3.99, I want more from my comic. The interview with Brian Michael Bendis at the end of the book was obviously tacked on to make you feel like you got more content for your dollar. I don't need that. I need content. With the main Ultimatum mini, I get plenty of content, but much of it is for shock value. I can't imagine how Loeb has gotten away with raping the Ultimate Universe. Loeb is normally a creator that I don't get excited about either pro or con. However, Ultimatum is just rancid. I don't see how the Ultimate line can bounce back from this miscarriage of entertainment.


Conan the Cimmerian #'s 10-11
I just don't hear about many comic book fans talking about Conan anymore, which is a shame. I think Conan is one of the best titles I'm reading now. Tim Truman and Tomás Giorello have crafted a fine book for the traveling warrior Conan. The mixture of descriptive writing and lush artwork is just mesmerizing to me. This is one of the first books I read when I get my monthly stash. This second arc of Conan the Cimmerian finds our hero commanding the armies of Khoraja against the wizardry of Natohk, the Veiled One. Though "Black Colossus" is an adaptation of the classic Robert E. Howard short that has been adapted before for the Savage Sword of Conan in 1974, Truman and Giorello manage to make it exciting by creating an ominous atmosphere in both words and art. Dark Horse has done a magnificent job with Conan property, once again making the barbarian warrior a relevant and exciting character to read.



It's hard for me to believe that my summer break is halfway over! That doesn't mean I will stop reading, though. I will be back in a couple of days with more reviews, including Iron Man, Star Wars, Punisher, The End League, and much, much more.

See you then!
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Panelology - Random Thoughts

by Brandon

My first column of this year focuses on some random thoughts I have about comic book collecting. I figured that might be a good place to start. My brain is going all over the place. I’m swimming in thoughts of DC, killing off Batman, Barack Obama, comic book storage issues, LCS pseudo-sales, and even the smell of comic books. Step on inside to take a gander at the thoughts bouncing around my head.


Give DC a Chance
Many people who have read my column know that I’m not exactly fond of DC. I make no bones about how uninterested I am in anything resembling the Infinite/Finite/Final/Indefinite/Uninspired Crises that DC has been constantly churning out for the better part of eight-hundred years. There’s a bit of hyperbole involved there, but the nugget of truth that is there is that DC is awash in hefty continuity. One hand often does not know what the other is doing. Modern DC just looks like this behemoth that has gotten to high on its own history. I don’t want to touch a DC book that has been published in the past few years with a ten-foot long box. However, I am on a personal quest during this New Year; I want to read some good DC. Mind you, I don’t want recent DC, but good DC. Stand alone DC. I actually do want to be sold on DC. I plan on starting with Kingdom Come and The New Frontier. From there, God knows where I’m going. I’m open to suggestions. Have any?

R.I.P., Batman
I don’t read Batman regularly, but this whole killing off Batman thing just sounds dumb. Bruce Wayne is Batman. This story just smacks of idiocy. Add a dash of “been there, done that,” and we have the makings of a story that will be overturned so fast that most fans will be embarrassed by it in a few years.


Barack Obama is MINE!
Do you know that Barack Obama has been inaugurated as our 44th President? Do you know that he has been on approximately one zillion magazine covers? Do you know that he has also appeared in comic books? Like Santa Claus, Barack Obama is everywhere, even in the comic book world. A little controversy was sparked by this when Marvel decided to put Mr. Obama in the pages of Spider-Man. Erik Larsen took offense to this because apparently his usage of Barack Obama was better than Marvel’s usage of America’s savior. I understand Larsen has been a longtime supporter of Obama and his character Savage Dragon has used Chicago as a base of operations. The Obama connection makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is his supposed outrage at Marvel. With all due respect to Mr. Larsen, I love his comics, but his ire over the use of Obama is pretty stupid. The outrage runs counter to what Barack Obama believes and embodies, don’t you think? It’s time to get over it.

…And those have to go as well.
I’m getting married in June. With nearly five months to go, the home planning and improvements are now in full swing. Jenn is definitely in nesting mode and I’m pretty much stuck in the usual male temperament of being a bachelor. Having thousands of comic books is cool, until you get married. The closer we get to the date, the more ruefully Jenn looks at my comic book collection. I feel like a paranoid schizophrenic, but I think she may have it out for part of my collection. The times, they are a’changing. Planning for the future together is awesome. Planning where all these freaking comic books go is not.

LCS Psuedo-Sales
I went to a comic shop somewhere in South Carolina this past weekend. I want name names because this shop officially pissed my inner and outer el cheapo off. Imagine my surprise and excitement when I drove up to the store to see huge sale signs on all the windows. Jenn can ell you I was literally giddy with excitement, like it was Christmas morning and I knew I was going to get some ridiculously awe-inspiring present. Got it? Now, imagine my disappointment when there was no sale going on at all. The store had opened what they called their “vault.” I wouldn’t have called it that. I would have called it a “roomful of expensive ass comics.” While I’m sure collectors who have that kind of money were thrilled, I am definitely the bargain bin variety of collector. Nothing else was on sale. No deals on their trades. No special bargains for their back issues. No discounts on their titles on the shelf. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zero. They only wanted to discount your wallet with their fine collection of idiotic variants and Little Lulu back issues. When a comic shop says “Sale,” I expect just that. And yes, I’m still pissed.

Comic Books Stink
Am I the only person on earth who smells their comic books? Please tell me I’m not the only freak! 99.9% of the time it is the first thing I do when I get a comic, or any book for that matter. I smell it. I can’t explain it, but there is something alluring about smelling comic books. And not just from any age or era. Comic books from the mid-1980s smell the best to me. They don’t even smell good or pleasant. It’s just a comforting smell. I don’t get weird about smelling comic books or anything like that. I don’t wear leather things and spank my own ass as I read through a back issue of Uncanny X-Men. I just smell them. That’s all.


Ultimate Ultimatum
Do any of you really think that the Ultimate Universe is gone? Between reading two or three issues of each Ultimate title last week and the recently solicited “Final” issues of all the Ultimate titles, it sure looks like the Ultimate universe is coming to a close. But why? You would think in these poor economic times that Marvel would want to keep some of their solid performers around. Instead, the Ultimatum body count is ever increasing and the books appear to be gone according to the solicitations. I can understand the nay-saying argument that the Ultimate Universe makes the regular Marvel Universe less special. Yet, the Ultimate titles have been entertaining at the very least, and when they are on their “A” game, they are solid. The talent on the Ultimate line has also been topnotch for the most part. With its power creators and rock-solid stories, I bet these titles and this universe won’t be gone for good, but one has to wonder if there will be much of the Ultimate Universe left to come back to. I would hope so.
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Panelology – Your Collection is Incomplete, Part 3

by Brandon

Brace yourself! Panelology returns after a hiatus with an all 80s edition of Your Collection is Incomplete. The 1980s were a time of cheesy hair and tacky music, but for some, comic books were never better than in those high-water days of mysterious brooding. Most of the 30-something audience of comic book readers today fondly look back at this period as being largely responsible for grabbing our attention and bringing us into the medium. As with any decade, some of the books were better than others, but chances are that most of us probably have comics from this era that we dearly hold onto as cherished jewels of our collection. And hey, it was the 80s. Some may have literally put glitter on their boxes as kid to give them that extra jewel-like sparkle. Regardless, here are three books from that decade of darkness that still pack a punch today and should occupy a corner of your long boxes.

Elemental #’s 1-5, Comico
By Bill Willingham
Available in Elementals issues 1-5 (volume 1) or in TPB
Before Mr. Willingham wowed us with his Fables, Elementals stood out as his premiere accomplishment. Elementals follows the tale of four resurrected humans that somehow cheated death and now have superpowers. As the title suggests, these four team members were possessed with the power of the basic elements of earth. Vortex represents air, while Fathom embodies water, Monolith earth, and Morningstar fire. Pretty simple, right? Well, seeing as how all of these people had to first die to get there powers, you had to know it wouldn’t be that simple. Dying in order to get superpowers makes getting bitten by a radioactive spider seem so blasé. Yet, there it is. Willingham handled both art and writing duties on many of the issues in the initial run, although his involvement was mainly in the writing department by the end of the first series. Later incarnations would stray further and further away from the mature look at superheroes. Willingham set forth, as would his involvement. Disputes over the rights to the characters would leave the finalized story of the Elementals in limbo forever, yet these first few issues were excellent, as much of the first series is. Willingham did not shy away from handling touchy subjects such as sex and the transforming dynamic a team can have over time. This was a established look at how superheroes operate without all of the pretension that would come from later stories from other companies. The initial salvo of the Shadowspear War represented in these first few issues plays into the larger arc of just what the Elementals are. It’s too bad that Willingham never truly got to finish the story as the Elementals, but that should not deter you from giving these issues a happy home.


Strikeforce: Morituri #’s 1-12, Marvel
By Peter Gillis and Brent Anderson
Available in issues Strikeforce: Morituri 1-12
Sticking with the death theme, we have Striikeforce: Morituri as our next essential. I am surprised at how many comic book fans don’t know about this wonderful little treasure from Marvel. It is probably one of the best kept secrets of 1980s Marvel. Every cover to the book stated the ominous moniker; We Who Are About to Die! Lots of comics boasted such doomsday claims, but few have actually lived up to the chaotic promise of death that this title held. The story revolves around a group of aliens attempting to take over earth, the Hoard (I know, I know; very original). The last line of defense for earth was to use the Morituri process to give humans superpowers. The catch? The Morituri process killed you. Eventually, all that went through the process would die randomly in a violent explosion of light, their powers consuming them. That’s right, kids. Characters really did die in comics for good and in violent ways before Peter Milligan and Mike Allred’s X-Force/X-Statix. It seemed like just as you started to enjoy a character, poof, they were gone. The first twelve issues were just flipping great and consistent in their quality that it’s hard to say not just stop there. Finish the whole series out. Just buy them all. Right? I wish I could tell you that. However, the truth is that the quality of the series does peter off towards the end. Yes, I said “peter off.” The series was cancelled with issue #31, only to be replaced by a prestige format book that lasted five issues. Since then, the Strikeforce has been pretty much MIA. That’s too bad. There is a lot of potential in these characters and in this story. Maybe a reinvigorated version is just around the corner from the House of Ideas. Just think of it this way, Marvel; Wolverine could show up.



Batman: The Killing Joke, DC Comics
By Alan Moore and Brian Bolland
Available in TPB and HC
I know I promised that I would try to steer clear of the big guns like Watchmen and Dark Knight Returns, but it’s very hard not to talk about the Joker now. With the recent release of Dark Knight on DVD and the buzz surrounding a potential Oscar for the late Heath ledger, it’s impossible to not turn our attention to the character, especially his finest moment. To many fans, the Killing Joke is the best Joker story ever published It’s hard to argue against that, especially since the book has been in-print ever since it was first published in 1988. The Joker has always been a nifty character and an iconic rogue for Batman, but Alan Moore brought a psychotic quality to clown prince of crime. The Joker seemed like a slapstick comedian in many of the old Bat-efforts in previous decades. In the 80s, writers started to take him a bit more seriously. Part of this had to do with the natural progression of following the story, but part of it was the changing tone of comics. The Joker became darker because comic books became darker. The caper portrayed isn’t Joker slapping a pie in anyone’s face. No, Joker decides to shoot Jim Gordon’s daughter, forcing Gordon to watch, torturing him with images of the deed. This is something a psycho would do! While this might seem a bit tame compared to Heath Ledger’s brilliant interpretation of Joker, I would argue that the move towards the lunacy of that portrayal started right here in this very comic. The Joker was suddenly a serious threat. Once this book came out, writers couldn’t bring back the more jester-like version of Joker. The character was in a darker place now and there was no going back.
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Another Godd@*# Batman List: The Most Insane Moments from All Star Batman (so-far)

by Patrick

Here we are, ready for our tenth issue of ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER, and DC issues a recall because you can read they didn't do a good enough job blacking out all the swears that Frank Miller wrote. So why we wait for the long awaited issue to be pulped and reprinted, it seems like a good moment to sit back, look back at the first nine issues, and ask ourselves, "what the hell was Frank Miller and Jim Lee thinking?!" So, now the Bad Genious would like to present the wildest, wackiest, craziest moments that made fandom put their funny books down, look at each other, and say "what the F*@%?"








#1: Talking with Green Lantern Batman finds a way to deal with Hal Jordan. You have to think why didn't Sonar or Black Hand ever use this method.

I love that he's drinking lemonade. It pushes the gag that much farther. And you'll now how Batman refers to himself, which brings us to bullet point #2...

#2: THE GODDAMN BATMAN: No one noticed when Vicky Vale called him by his newest trademarked name (Granted, we were paying more attention to her underwear parade when she rolled out the name).

Clark Kent is way too proper of a young man to say the whole thing out loud, but we all know he is thinking it.

Black Canary seems to think it's his first name.


But everyone takes notice when our favorite playboy millionaire start referring to himself as "The Goddamn Batman!"




#3: Batman Rolls Over Some Cops. So Batman, you've just saved your future sidekick from corupt police officers. Now what are you going to do?
"I'm going to run them over like roadkill!"

All Star Batman- Bringing you the pure Batman you grew up with!

#4: The Introduction of Wonder Woman: We start out with Wonder Woman walking to a meeting with the Justice League. And she just feels like sharing her view of men as she walks along: Sperm-Banks!

Then we have the Amazon's view on what to do with the "Batman Problem."

And then she reacts as only woman on TV or in Frank Miller comics act. Namely "I Hate you! You make me sick! Yet, you turn me on and must have my way with you."




Somehow, I don't think this is what Adam Huges had in mind when he signed up to produce ALL-STAR WONDER WOMAN.

#5: THE VICKI VALE FASHION SHOW




And our final moment...
#6: Batman hooks up with Black Canary
Black Canary. In the DCU, she's a strong willed, strong female. Leader of the Justice League. And not someone who you would want to mess with.
All-Star Black Canary, not quite the strong female role model we see in her own book. Hence her jumping Batman's bones the second she see him.


That's all for today. Until Batgirl beats up gang members while shouting profanities, make mine All-Star Batman!
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Unpopular Opinions: Dark Knight

by Devin

“Long as you keep them way off balance, how can they spot you got no talents?”

Yes, this is indeed a quote from the musical Chicago. However, it works splendidly for the movie The Dark Knight. As I watched, I could not help but think that the constant growl from Christian Bale or the twenty car crashes per frame were the only things that had kept the world at large from realizing what an unmitigated piece of crap this film was. Well, that and the fact that there are currently worms making a meal of Heath Ledger.

That’s right – I hold the unpopular opinion that The Dark Knight not only wasn’t one of the greatest comic book movies of all time, but that it sucked. Now, before I go on, let me say that I will be reviewing this movie, not as a Batman movie, but as a movie on its own. Don’t write me off as a comic fan complaining about how they dared to change the sacred text.

I suppose the late Mr. Ledger would be the best place to start, as his role is the most-praised, the biggest cause of the hype and, naturally, the most over-rated. Compared to other Jokers, Heath Ledger’s Joker was not impressive at all. A good Joker should pose a challenge to a writer, extreme sadism with a genuinely funny (albeit extremely dark) sense of humor. In contrast, this Joker was a series of gruesome acts, followed by an occasional smile. He would have gotten along well with the guy from Saw.

As a character, Ledger’s Joker is awkward and one-dimensional. Worse, the basis of the character can’t seem to follow its own logic. The make-up designer has said that that they gave Joker gritty, messy make-up to show that he doesn’t care about his appearance. Would he really be wearing that whole get-up if he didn’t care about his appearance? The Dark Knight constantly wants to have its cake and eat it too. It wants to be uber-realistic and gritty and essentially above more comic-booky ideas like a villain with acid-spraying flowers or a sleek, phallic Batmobile, but it is in the end a comic book movie, and every attempt to get away from the comic book nature only makes everything else seem more unrealistic and silly.

This problem first occurred to me with Batman Begins, but came back with a roaring vengeance with Joker’s pencil scene. I could not help but wonder: why is this guy wearing a clown suit and make-up? Aside from the fact that he was Joker in a Batman movie, I could not really see any reason. He did not act like a clown; he acted like a normal crazy guy. The “pencil trick” and bomb joke only seemed like desperate token lines by the writers to justify his being the Joker. The scene played out as uncomfortably as if I were watching The Breakfast Club and Emilio Estivez was, for some unexplained reason, wearing Greek hoplite armor the entire time. While a more stylized, kookier character might have been unrealistic, he would have been more believable than this relatively lifelike character dressed up the way he was.

I could not help but think that Christopher Nolan decided what he wanted the Joker to act like, and then tried to shoehorn that idea into the role. That’s why the behavior does not fit the look. And that’s why the attempt at explaining the make-up (war paint?) seems half-hearted at best.

Why would the Joker then go out of make-up to disguise himself as a police officer? If disguise takes precedent over war-paint, why didn’t he do that as the nurse? Is he a master of disguise or a showman? Do the screenwriters even know their character? And, why oh why did the police not take off his make-up when they had him in custody? They clearly had him remove his clothes to inspect them (the line about them all being hand made, no labels). The obvious choice would be to wash off the make up, put him in a jumpsuit, and essentially neuter him. But they don’t. Why?

A. The Gotham police have the combined intellect of a busty blonde in a slasher flick.
B. The movie wants to keep Joker as an other-worldly figure despite already setting him up as a more grounded psychopath. And, really, who wants to see Batman interrogate a guy in a jumpsuit…even though, that would follow the rules set forth by the movie and the overall premise of this more-realistic, gritty Batman. Essentially, lazy writing.

Both of these reasons really. In fact, A is caused by B. A also comes up when the police leave Joker in an unlocked cell with one guard (yeah, leave a sole guard in the same room with someone who is known for playing mind games…great idea) and don’t even bother to clean up the shattered glass (erm…doesn’t this guy have a penchant for cutting?). And really now, could any police officer think that the Joker’s requested phone call was innocent?

Of course, if the police were competent, the Joker would have a harder time escaping. Either you would need to make him a bit more of a SUPER villain (hidden capsules of laughing gas perhaps) or, god forbid, put effort into your script and not just have events occur out of convenience to the writer.

Now, let’s look at the character itself. One moment I remember laughing was when Rachel Dawes yelled to Joker amidst his umpteenth scar speech, “Okay, stop!” That was because I was half-expecting her to follow that with “For the love of God, we’ve seen this scene five times already! This character is one-dimensional and boring!”

There, I said it. Joker was not a good villain. The emperor has no clothes. He was an averagely written psychopath who struck one note repetitively for the first half of the movie, and then in the second half turned into a pop-psychologist who has taken a course on ethics in night school.

As for Ledger’s acting, it was okay. I thought it was excessive instead of over-the-top (which would have been better). The lip-licking would have been a nice touch if done a few times every other scene instead of every line (I could not help but shake the image of 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy telling Ledger, “That’s great! Do it nonstop! If it’s great with that line, it’ll make every line better!”). He was a decent psychopath in some scenes, especially considering the horrible dialogue and speeches he was given, but his performance just kind of seemed to be him shouting “LOOK! I’M ACTING!” at multiple points and I wonder if he’d be nominated for a Razzie were he still with us. To be honest, about halfway through the movie, I began to think that maybe Joker licked his lips so much to catch the bits of scenery that fell out during all the chewing.

There was one nice Joker moment in the movie: when he blew up the hospital. For a few seconds, he pretended to not know how to activate the explosives (while in drag, mind you, cause, well, drag’s always funnier), fiddled incompetently, then seemed surprised when he got the most excessive explosion I’ve seen in a while. On one hand, he blew up a hospital. On the other hand, the scene was hilarious. That dichotomy is not only hard to write, but brilliant, creepy, and captivating at the same time. I wish the rest of the film had been like that.

But enough about the Joker. Let’s look at Batman. As Bruce Wayne, Christian Bale seems to know what he’s doing. He’s arrogant, yet charismatic. That’d be great if this were Bruce Wayne: The Movie. Unfortunately, his Batman makes Toby Maguire’s awkward Spider-Man look like the best casting match known to man.

To start with the obvious: Someone please send Batman a note and let him know that he’s not Jack Bauer. And let Christian Bale know that imitating that voice might work for a line or two at best, but whenever he is giving a speech (oh the speeches…) or is in an extended dialogue, he ends up giving the best unintentional comedic performance since Faye Dunaway arched her eyebrows and became Mommie Dearest.

I also couldn’t buy this Batman not killing the Joker. This was yet another problem brought on by the combination of lazy writing and a more realistic, less stylized setting. This Batman breaks bones, levels city blocks, probably puts hundreds of lives in danger with his car chases and truck flipping…yet, he won’t kill the Joker on two separate occasions. Why? Because he doesn’t want to prove the Joker right? I can hardly believe that this character would allow hundreds of more lives to be endangered just so the Joker would not get those 5 seconds of satisfaction between the beginning and end of his death. The comic book Batman would…but we’re leaving the comics out of this, right? Just like Joker’s attire, the only reason this did not come off as asinine was because the public has in their consciousness that Batman does not kill.

Oh, and I’m just not going into the pointless Hong Kong excursion. For everyone’s sake, let’s pretend that never happened and move on to Harvey Dent, shall we?

I wanted to like Harvey/Two-Face. Honestly, I did. Aaron Eckhart did a great job in the first half and I could almost see myself championing him as the under-appreciated actor amidst the “ZOMG! Posthumous Oscar!” clamor. Unfortunately, his descent to Two-Face was rushed. Sure, he’d had a traumatic experience…but does that make everyone automatically give up all of the ideals they strived so hard for and try to kill their former allies?

I think someone in Gotham City had control of the trade-marked Anakin-Skywalker-Evil-Switch: “Sure to turn any good character evil with just one lame excuse!” Even when I forced myself to make that leap, I could not get over the fact that he hated Gordon more than Joker and spared Joker. If Dent’s change had been more gradual, maybe it would have made sense. If he’d killed Joker, maybe I could have forced myself to believe he so abruptly became evil. But again, in this fight between the Clown Prince of Crime and the Caped Crusader, the only true winner is plot convenience. Logic and coherence were the greatest casualties.

As for Rachel Dawes, I found her an enigma. Was Maggie Gyllenhaal trying to provide depth to a 2-dimensional character or was she flattening a more developed character? It was definitely one of the two, because in the end Rachel was about a 2.5 dimensional character.

But, aside from characters, what did I think? The dialogue was an encyclopedia of bad action movie clichés. A few of my favorites: “You’re the symbol of hope I could never be.” “You can’t give in!!!!!!” (yes, all those exclamation points were necessary) “People are dying. What would you have me do?” And of course:

Joker: I like you. There’s some fight in you.
Batman: Then you’re gonna love me.

I guess with an unfunny Joker, Batman has to be the one making the jokes.

Also, you gotta love all of the speeches explaining the character’s motivations and the point of the movie. Usually, just one of those speeches is a flashing light that someone spent about a week on this screenplay and was not willing to put in the time for subtlety. However, Dark Knight had the boldness to put at least five such speeches – from Joker, Batman, Harvey, and even Gordon.

"But, Devin," you might say, "you’re being unfair. This is a summer blockbuster. Lighten up."

I suppose you could have a point. I mean, this movie is almost the perfect homogenous summer blockbuster. At times, I forgot that I was watching Batman and not, for example, 2003’s SWAT. The difference is, this film took itself unbelievably seriously, as have fans and critics. The last scene (the confrontation between Two-Face, Gordon, and Batman) reeks of the film’s love for itself.
Despite being “realistic,” this movie falls back on tons of bad comic-book clichés. The policemen robbed of their uniforms (that all fit the Joker’s men?) and tied up in their skivvies? The comedic court scenes? The nonstop use of pseudo-scientific technology that does not exactly make sense? The criminals all meeting together and referring to themselves as criminals and reflecting on how much better the “criminals” were in the good ol’ days?

Stuff like this stood out in the realistic Gotham like the animated weasel gang stood out among the live-action setting in Who Framed Roger Rabbit? The criminals were cartoon characters, a lingering aspect from Batman’s comic book origins that just didn’t fit. Even Batman himself came off as a bit silly amidst all the realism. I remember another moment of unintentional comedy early in the film as Gordon and Dent argued as Batman just awkwardly stood there in the background. In this supposedly realistic setting, I could not get over the hilarity of the fact that IT’S A FREAKIN' GUY IN A RUBBER BAT-SUIT!

And what do we get in return for this realism? Chicago as Gotham, with its average skyline that Nolan insists on reminding us of with a long, sweeping establishing shot every five minutes. A Batman that can’t decide if he is Jack Bauer, James Bond, Bruce Willis, Rambo, or someone action star in between. No Batcave, but instead the White Room of Exposition! I know I said I was not going to bring in the comics, but I was DYING for something to look at (a dinosaur, a car, a giant penny, ANYTHING!). So what do we get? A non-stop cavalcade of the boring and mundane.

But not everyone was bored. Or found it stupid. Am I special? No. I can understand how amidst the hype and the dead celebrity and the constant explosions and the general roller-coaster ride of the plot, people could walk out and not think of the various problems. I must admit I went in not expecting the best. But dear god, even I was shocked by how bad it was.

I was convinced that Batman could not be done realistically. Batman is a stupid concept, built on absurdities. “An overgrown kid in a playsuit crying for mommy and daddy” says the Joker in one episode of the cartoon. A father who is both a surgeon and a billionaire owner of a multinational corporation? And why are they walking home from a movie playing at the worst neighborhood in town? Why is Batman waging a one man war on crime? That can’t be the most practical method. But, because the whole world is so stylized, because all the absurdities fit together so well, there’s no reason to question it. It’s not our world. Those aren’t our rules. Batman Begins tried to fit that world to our rules, only to make every part that couldn’t come off as ludicrous.

However, after seeing Dark Knight, I have to reassess my position. I realize that I would not be fair to judge the possibility of a realistic Batman on the sloppy Batman Begins or its sloppier successor. That would be like saying Batman cannot be a superhero because of the failure of Batman and Robin. Perhaps a more competent writer and director could do it…but judging from this movie’s grosses, that ain’t happening any time soon. Read more!