I TOLD You Cyclops is a Dick Husband

by Liana

Less than two weeks ago, I told you it was time for Jean Grey to come back, but not to her dick husband. “I like Cyke!” you whined. I rolled my eyes as threateningly as possible, but you held strong to your ridiculous opinion. But now I have irrefutable Internet proof that Cyclops is, in fact, a dick husband. Thanks to cracked.com's list of the six worst comic book super-husbands, I am proven right and the rest of you must shut up and accept the cold, hard truth: Cyclops is a dick.

You’ll have to click over to find out who’s the worst of the worst, but I’ll let you know that it isn’t Peter Parker, who sold his marriage to Satan in exchange for hip replacement and Alzheimer’s.

I’ll also point out that I think Cyclops would have placed a lot higher than fourth if they’d bothered to include his fiasco of a marriage to Madelyne Pryor. I mean, the guy married the dead love-of-his-life’s clone and promptly left her and their infant son when the love-of-his-life proved not-so-dead after all. Not that I'm particularly bent out of shape over it or anything, but it just goes to show what kind of guy we're talking about here.

Most importantly--and perhaps the thing that will make me a regular cracked.com reader--is that they totally see that homewrecking bimbo Emma for what she is: the sluttiest psychic in town.

So go ahead and try to tell me, the world, the Internet....just try to tell us all that Cyclops isn't a dick. See if we believe you. (We don't.)

Oh yeah, what did you think of the rest of the list? Read more!

The Phoenix Should Rise Again Now Please

by Liana

I have been patient. Really. I have put up with that manipulative bimbo being treated like she matters for long enough. But the time has come. Jean Grey must return. From the dead. From the future. From the hell that is writers who cannot handle her awesomeness. From wherever. Just put her back where she belongs. And I do not mean with her dick husband.

Jean Grey is the heart of the X-Men. She is what makes them a family and without her, the team has all the dysfunctional bitterness and little of the love. You know why? Because she treats her teammates with respect. She doesn’t manipulate them. She doesn’t scan their thoughts without their permission. She does what needs to be done for the greater good, even when it means giving her dick husband permission to hook up with his bimbo girlfriend with her dying breath in order to save all humanity.

So maybe Jean Grey is already back and hanging out in the future as an infant being raised by the stepson she herself raised in the future. There’s a sweet paradox in that, isn’t there? Anyway, as much as I’m enjoying Cable, I would kiss it goodbye in a heartbeat to have my Jeannie back.

It wouldn’t even be hard to bring her back. If Marvel decided to finally admit that it is indeed baby Jean hiding out in the future being raised by DaddySon Cable and hunted by Psycho Bishop, just jump her around a little more and age her. Whatever. It’s time travel. It doesn’t make sense to begin with, so no one has to try hard to explain it. And if Marvel decided to wuss out and make the baby just some random mutant and Jean is still dead, well come on, she’s the friggin’ Phoenix. The whole point of the Phoenix is come back from the dead.

And speaking of things that wouldn’t be hard (insert your own impotent Cyclops joke here), I’ve never understood why so many writers relegate Jean to being an emotional buffoon, torn between a short, hairy animal and a tall, arrogant jerk. There are so many men in the Marvel Universe who would be great for Jean, and none of them are living at the X-Mansion (yeah, yeah, I know the X-Men aren’t living there now either, but that’s hardly the point). She’s like the most powerful mutant on the planet. If she isn’t using her wisdom and compassion to teach the next generation of X-Men how to be good and responsible mutants and people (as opposed to the bimbo just teaching them how to be dead), she could be fighting the big threats by the sides of heroes like the Sentry and Thor. Think of how awesome a book with godlike heroes fighting godlike threats could be, especially with our Jeannie batting clean up.

So come on, Marvel. Stop doing this to me. To us. We’re ready for Jean Grey to take her rightful place alive and well in the current Marvel Universe. I promise to even stop calling that lonely fanboy’s wet dream “bimbo” every chance I get.
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