Wolverine Plot Generator

by Brandon
Wolverine is one of those characters fans just love to hate. For better or worse, Wolverine really is one of those characters that seems to just be everywhere. Many people like to slack off on the character in public while they secretly opine for him behind closed doors. There's no denying the character is just slightly overused in the Marvel Universe. But hey, why not? The character can move a book like hotcakes. There's definitely a market out there for stories involving the ol' knucklehead. There are only so many ways you can write Wolverine stories and yet they keep coming. There are commonalities between Wolverine stories. Many of the stories are rife with cliches. Some are just downright pitiful in their formulaic mechanics. But never fear! You too can write the most mundane Wolverine story to ever grace a Guardians of the Galaxy issue! With this hand-dandy Wolverine Plot generator you can have Wolverine riding on his motorcycle in no time trading fisticuffs with Sabertooth or some other villain.


The Protagonist...
There is really only one type of protagonists in Wolverine stories; Wolverine. The thing any hack has to sort out is whether Wolverine will be in costume or in his civvies. If you go with a costume, the decision then lies in what type of costume. Do you go for the brown and red? How about the blue and yellow? Maybe the X-Force black and gray? Whichever one you go with, it's sure to impress any Hand ninjas or Marauders you met up with in your story. If you decide to go the civilian clothing route, please, please, please make sure he's a white shirt, bluejeans, and a leather jackets. A hat is optional, but no other clothes need apply.



The Antagonist(s)...
Wolverine has many, many antagonists you can choose from. With a population of over 6.6 Billion people on the planet, Wolverine could spar with just about anyone! And let's face it, this is a comic book! Anyone could be a villain! A guy pops off to Logan in a bar? FIGHT! A super-villain trashing a meeting of a Japanese crime lord's family who has contacted Wolverine as a favor to a trouble Asian woman who needs the tender strong arm of a mutant because she has a death contract out on her based on a meeting Wolverine had with a visiting Buddhist holy monk thirty years before? FIGHT!Cyclops getting him a piece of ass with White Queen? FIGHT! With Wolverine, anyone can be a potential threat. However, provided are a list of villains you may want to choose from...

- Sabertooth: An oldie but goodie. Lots of folks will be familiar with this guy, but think of all the rad/dated dialogue you could write that you and others have already read a million times. The possibilities are limitless in its limitlessness! Again!

- Magneto: Oh yeah. Who wouldn't want to write the Master of Magnetism? Wolverine has ripped this guys head off before. But that was a clone. Or something. An evil spirit? Dammit, I can't remember. He was something, but dude, regardless of evil doppelgangers or junked out mutants, they should totally have a rematch!

- The Hand/Ninjas: Wolverine fighting ninjas never gets old. Sure, it gets a bit boring. And yes, the eastern mysticism and witticisms do get a bit strained, but come on, it's ninjas! And Wolverine! How freaking awesome is that?

- Cyber: This is the poor man's Terminator... or is it the Terminator's poor man? Either way, this guy has a major mad-on for Wolverine. Like Sabertooth, you don't even need a reason for these two to fight, but adding in Daken or some ancient sword couldn't hurt.



The Setting...
Wolverine is a proverbial Renaissance Man when it comes to settings. From to the tropical to weird, the wild to the tame, from Space to the N-Zone, Wolverine is such an adaptive character to any environment. He's like a rabbit, but not. Because rabbits are wusses. Wolverine is not. Just FYI. Here are just a few places you can throw Wolverine;

- Road Trip: It never hurts to start a Wolverine story off with the main man riding on his motorcycle. Whether it be through a forest or city, it's just so refreshing to see riding his bike, the wind whipping through his claws.

- The Savage Land: The jungles of the Savage Land are wild and savage. The Savage Land is like, um, a metaphor for how wild and savage Wolverine is. I think. Wolverine is a savage beast. Savage! The Savage land is a land of savage beasts. The savagery unleashed by any savagely set story in the Savage Land would be so savage that Wolverine would have to unleash a savage rage!

- Bar/Truck Stop: Wolverine isn't your typical pansy. He doesn't go frat housing with your typical fraternity lowlifes who enjoy paying for each others company with Daddy's trust fund while they create memories whilst singing Jimmy Buffet's back catalog. No, Wolverine likes to go to the seediest bar or truck stop as only the great true north strong and free can provide. If Wolverine isn't picking up lot lizards, he's at least got to be busting heads over some local yokel's ignorant attitudes towards "muties." If you want to add extra spice to the scene, have Juggernaut or Sabertooh bust into the bar. From there, these scenes should just write themselves.

- San Francisco: This whole move to San Fransisco during the Manifest Destiny "non-event event story" has been lackluster. Wolverine just needs to spice up the town a little. Sure, he's already had his obligatory "I'm taking over an ancient order of kung fu hooligans while getting a cool new shamanistic mentor to teach me the true ways to become the Karate Kid" story with the Wolverine: Manifest Destiny miniseries. But what we need more of is a second "I'm taking over an ancient order of kung fu hooligans while getting a cool new shamanistic mentor to teach me the true ways to become the Karate Kid" story. Then, to really make sure the reader get the point, it is highly necessary that Marvel push for a third "I'm taking over an ancient order of kung fu hooligans while getting a cool new shamanistic mentor to teach me the true ways to become the Karate Kid" story.m That would so rock!

- Weapon-X Installation: When all else fails at the laptop, your blank word processing page mocking your every attempt to squeeze adamantium out of the keys, there is one place where any Wolverine writer can go to find the El Dorado of all Wolverine stories; Weapon X! While the Russians and Americans were building nuclear weapons and launch facilities, the Canadians were wisely spending their time building bunkers to test cool things out on soon-to-be-cool comic book characters. I mean, there have only been 1,326.5 stories dealing with Wolverine going on a vision quest of sorts to one of these fabled facilities where, alas, his innocence was lost. Shed no tears for this, though. Wolverine should simply show, kick some ass, and then swear to never return to any Weapon X facility again. For at least two issues. Maybe three. Check the current solicitations before you promise anything.



The Goal
Wolverine is a busy man. I mean, shit, brutha' shows up in at least fourteen titles a month at a minimum. You have to have goals and objectives to get around that much. Wolverine doesn't strike me as the kind of hero who keeps an updated schedule on his Blackberry, so he has to have a purpose before he gets entangled with the Heroes for Hire this week or Quasar and the Cosmic Rollers next week. Here are some goals that should help Wolverine ease through your story like a hot claw through butter;

- Do it for Jean!: Wolverine should always be pining for his lost redheaded love. This gives him a sense of purpose. A nice flashback of the two coyly flirting in the Danger Room should suffice. Anything that follows such a scene is golden. If Logan thinks that he can make up something to his dead crush, then he'll do it with gusto! There's only one girl Wolverine ever loved, and that was so many years ago. And though he'll never get her out of his heart. She never really loved him back. ... Chrsit! I'm sorry. I just totally channeled Meat Loaf there. Forgive me.

- Save the World!: Nothing quite gets at a superheroes goat like threatening the peace and security of the world. Ending all creation is a motivating activity. Villains threaten to do this all the time, but few can actually pull it off. Someone would have to flood New York or create an alternate world where Charles Xavier is killed and Apocalypse takes over. It would have to be some serious shit to get Wolverine good and pissed off, but it could happen.

- Save Canada!: I wish Canadians could feel a sense of ultra-nationalism. Say what you will about right-wing conservative wackos, but they really do know how to take nationalistic pride to a whole new level of crazy. Wouldn't it be great to read the ultimate patriotic comic book for Canadian nationalism? I would love to see Wolverine wrap himself in a Canadian flag to hold off the bleeding wounds that cover his body as he lashes out at the last of Canada's many enemies. It's time for Wolverine to take his rightful spot alongside Celine Dion as the champion for Canadian values. That's a Wolverine story worth telling!

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X-Centric: March Madness ...with Mutants

by the General

Have you all heard of a little title called X-Men? Apparently, they are this group of people born with mutant powers who have sworn to protect a world that fears and hates them. I think they are going to be popular one day, so I thought I'd start a monthly column dedicated to reviewing titles starring them. If you are interested in finding out more about these little known characters, read on!



But, before I get into the actual reviews, I thought that, like Doug, I'd give you a little information about my comic collecting habits. I, like a lot of the other contributors on this blog, buy my comics through an online mail order comic site. The upside of this is that I save a good deal of money... the downside is that I don't get my comics until the start of the following month. So, you might notice that the comics I'll be talking about today are all from March. Because of this, I'm not going to be too concerned about **Spoiler Warnings** because, frankly, if you haven't read these comics by now, they probably aren't that important to you.

Also, as you might imagine (given the title of this article), I mainly collect X-titles. I'd probably estimate that 90% of the monthly titles I collect are Marvel titles. Of which at least 75% of those star a cast of merry mutants. Also, since I'm a cheapskate, I usually only collect team books. I mean, why would you want to spend $2.99 to read a book about just Wolverine, when you could spend that same $2.99 and read a book about Wolverine and a bunch of other random characters? Simple Character Quantity Economics.

Finally, instead of reviewing individual titles, I thought I'd try lumping a bunch of titles together so that instead I could focus on talking about larger themes and storylines within those titles. But, enough about me... on to the comics!

The Messiah War Begins!
Discussed: Life and Times of Lucas Bishop #2, Cable #12, X-Force#13, Messiah War Special #1 and Cable #13

I'm pretty sure that, based on the characters involved in this crossover event, that the titular "Messiah" is actually Rob Liefeld. I mean, how else can you explain that nearly every major character he created for Marvel is here? Cable, Domino, Stryfe and even Deadpool. It's like a reunion of the original X-Force cast. And, as if those characters don't keep the Badass Factor™ high enough, they've also thrown in Wolverine, X-23, Bishop, Archangel, Proudstar and the Vanisher... Ok, so maybe not all the characters are badasses.

And, what gets this many Hardcore™ characters together? Fighting over a little girl.

Actually, I've been honestly enjoying the build up to this storyline. But, while I'm enjoying it overall so far, I do have to admit that the execution has been a bit rocky. While most of the issues are holding up their part of the deal (and I'm even a little surprised to be enjoying Life and Times of Lucas Bishop), the Cable issues have been pretty clunky so far. But, I think that the art has mainly been to blame. Ariel Olivetti draws a mean flexing bicep, but his storytelling is often awkward to say the least.

"Y'think?" This is the sort of storytelling that bugs me in Cable. Stryfe and Bishop have teamed up to track down Cable and the Messiah child. And, how do they do that? A walk on the beach, as near as I can tell.

As far as X-Force goes, I think its easily the strongest part of this event. That said, I really hope that they didn't kill of Boom-Boom (see, no spoiler warnings, punks!) like it appears they did. It would be the first time that Kyle and Yost's tendency to kill-off second and third stringers would have really peeved me off... if for no other reason than it would nix my often fantasized about Nextwave Reunion.

Finally, does anyone else think that one of the things they are building to is X-Force splitting off, so that Cyclops no longer leads them?

X-Meeeennnnn iiinnnnn Spaaaaaaace!
Discussed: X-Men: Kingbreaker #4 and War of the Kings #1 & #2

If there's one thing that the Bad Genious' resident Soul-Hole and Ellis-Whore, Dan, hates; it's Space. And, when it comes to the idea of the X-Men in space, I tend to agree with him. I fall into that rare minority that was never really a fan of the Phoenix Saga because so much of it involved the X-Men in space... fighting aliens. Bleh.

That said, (and here's where I show off exactly how big of a hypocrite I can be) I actually have been enjoying the ongoing Vulcan vs. Havok in space storyline that's been running for several years now. Pretty much from the point that Brubaker kicked it off, I've been consistently entertained. And while it's rarely been Great (with a capital "G"), its at least usually Good.

Furthermore, after an exciting finale to Kingbreaker, I'm excited to see the storylines scope expand to become entwined with the Inhuman's own ongoing saga. Bring on the Shi'ar/Kree war! Now, it has to be said that some of the BGers are grousing about the slow start to War of the Kings, but honestly the slow first issue didn't bother me much. Instead, what has me scratching my head is Polaris and Crystal suddenly being all buddy-buddy.

Now, I could be missing somehere, so correct me if I'm wrong: Polaris is Quicksilver's half-sister. But, this is a fairly sketchy relationship that was only established a couple years ago, and hasn't exactly been filled with cheerful family reunions. Crystal is married to Quicksilver... or at least they used to be married, but aren't any more... since Crystal is now getting married to Ronan the Accuser. But, now Polaris is hanging out with Crystal before her wedding, and they are all BFF?!

Oh, and speaking of Ronan. I actually felt sorry for him in the scene with the flowers. Saddest Accuser Ever.

Old New Mutants
Discussed: X-Infernus #4 and Young X-Men #12

You know what else Dan hates? Magic! So, I'm sure he was digging the finale of X-Infernus which was filled with all sorts of magic... not to mention Magik.

These two books are odd ducks, because on one hand they are both trying to resolve their respective storylines, but at the same time they were also just trying to get their ducks in a row for the return of the original New Mutants in their own title next month. In both regards, I think they were capable, but not exceptional.

Frankly, this transition leaves me feeling a little odd. Because, on one hand, I'm eager to see the original New Mutants all return to a monthly title. But, on the other hand, after following the new New Mutant New X-Men Young X-Men through a string of titles, I'm a little worried that those characters are just going to be put out to pasture and forgotten about. Luckily, a lot of the latest generation of X-Men have already shifted to other titles (X-23, Elxir, the Cuckoos, Armor, Pixie and even Dust), and this final issue of Young X-Men ends with "and the adventure continues" sort of finale, so my hopes are high that we'll continue to see them from time to time.

In which case, bring on the old New Mutants!

Ex-centric
Discussed: X-Men Legacy #222 and Uncanny X-Men #507

The X-Universe seems to be missing its center these days. Not only is Astonishing X-Men not shipping regularly (and feeling inconsequential when it does ship); but the events taking place on the fringes of the X-Universe are routinely more interesting than what's going on in the two main titles.

Generally, even if it doesn't feel particularly relevant, X-Men Legacy can be trusted to deliver a solid story mining the depths of X-continuity. But, for the last couple months that doesn't seem to be the case since its gotten bogged down in a silly storyline featuring Danger (because we were all itching for her return) and a group of Shi'Ar junk salvagers. And, zzzzzzz....

Oh, wait, sorry, dozed off there. Anyhow, moving on.

Over in Fraction's Uncanny we are getting a certifiably mixed bag of nuts, and my opinions on the various storylines kicking around in it are equally mixed. The X-Club? Actually entertaining. Colossus' mourning Kitty's death? Tedious. The Sisterhood? I'm a little curious about that. Magneto's return? Too early, but still has my interest. One things for sure, I'll be happier when this title finds its illusive sea-legs again.

Occasionally, other people are right.
Discussed: X-Factor #41 and Captain Britain and the MI13 #11

X-Factor and Captain Britain are both titles that have small, loyal and (most noticably) vocal fan bases that are constantly raving about them. And, both are titles that I tend to run a little hot a cold to. That said, this month, their fans are right about both.

While Peter David's pleading that people "not ruin the surprises online" in the recap page sort of bugs me (because it smacks me of his usual grandstanding tactics), I have to admit that the title has been full of fun twists and turns. This is especially welcome since the last couple years of this title have been bogged down with clumsy crossovers and forced tie-ins to major events. It's nice to see this title slip back into form, and do what it does best.

Meanwhile, for whatever reason, this new Vampire storyline in Captain Britain is working for me. And, I continue to enjoy the way Cornell writes the characters. If I have one complaint, its that I still don't feel like Kirk's art matches the title's tone that well. It just strikes me as a little too bright... but maybe that's more an issue with the coloring. (Insert shrug here.)

This is the end, my friend
Discussed: Ultimate X-Men #100 and Ultimatum #3

Actually, if you are still reading this far into my ramblings, you are a masochist, and I should end things quickly to put you out of your misery. Much the same thing can be said about Ultimate X-Men. This title has been a trainwreck for some time now and I'm glad to see it end.

And, while my reaction to Ultimatum isn't as strong as Brandon's, its still going to give me the perfect jumping off point for this imprint. So, goodbye Ultimate Universe.

And, goodbye till next month, intrepid reader!
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Spring Break Reading, Part 1 - Mighty Marvel Round-Up

by Brandon

Ever get behind on your comic book reading? I'm not just talking a handful of issues gathering dust on your nightstand. This type of "behind" would be largely the size of, oh, maybe a long box and a half. That's the situation I currently have before me. The stresses of work, planning a wedding, and just every day life have plagued my ability to catch up on my reading. Add to the mix some very large runs that I've been able to buy on the cheap lately and you have a massive problem. But have no fear, Spring Break 2009 is finally here! While most of my students are probably off having wild, teenager-style adventures involving fumbling sexual antics and wine coolers in exotic tropical locales, their teacher has voluntarily sat this Spring Break out to catch up on reading comic books. I'm taking one for the team and catching up on a load of reading. Fasten your seat belts! This is going to be a long ride Here are some pellet reviews of the books that have crossed my path thus far during Spring Break 2009.


Dark Tower: Treachery #'s 1-6
When I finished the book series, I was pretty bummed about the lackluster ending. I had my own feelings of trepidation when the comic books were announced. However, I have been surprised at how much I have enjoyed these minis thus far. Treachery helps shed some light on a few important events in Roland's youth as a young gunslinger. In this volume, we readers get to see how his mother's infidelities are dealt with in full. I won't spoil the plot, but Peter David and Robin Firth have successfully translated the world of the Dark Tower to comic books. I hope they will continue this series beyond these origin tales. Maybe that will make up for the crappy ending to the book series.

Uncanny X-Men #'s 506-507
Of late, I've heard the X-Men creative intelligentsia frequently say that the X-books don't require teams anymore because... because... um... well... because... We've moved past that point in history. ... Did I get that right, X-creators? Anyway, the focus of the X-Books is pretty much anything goes. That must mean quality too because ever since Manifest Destiny started, Uncanny X-Men has been uncannily boring. The art is pretty. The writing is decent. The total package is just dull, dull, dull, dull. Perhaps having a more cohesive team and roster for the book would help give it some focus. Oh, and get the X-Men out of San Francisco. It just isn't working. Sorry guys.

X-Men Legacy #'s 221-222
On the other hand, the X-men Legacy title has been killer. Two of my favorite X-Men are taking center stage for this arc, Gambit and Rogue. Both characters seem to have found a writer that can actually make them interesting without hamming each character up. Gosh, those accents just beg for it, I know, but Mike Carey makes these characters work so well. It's sad to think the Professor X story is ending since it has been a welcome return of the character's relevance to the pages of the X-books. For the first time in at least two decades, Xavier is an interesting character who isn't just a figurehead or out-and-out bastard. Kudos to Carey and teh rest of the Legacy team for making this one of the best X-books in years!

Wolverine: Manifest Destiny #4
Eh. This was the best thing I've read thus far from the Manifest Destiny titles. That's not a ringing endorsement though. This is a fairly forgettable Wolverine story. There are tons of those out there too. This story just happens to be inoffensive enough to be forgettable.

Ghost Rider #33
On one side of the coin, this issue was awesome just because of the sheer number of Ghost Riders it covers and shows. It sets up a fascinating backdrop for future exploration. On the flip side of the coin, this issue was pretty much a throwaway story that has no real meat to it. I'm glad the new Caretaker has decided to keep the fight going. Good job, Caretaker. But, um, was there any doubt that this would be the case? It's like having Superman handed his ass to him by some bit bad guy. Of course Superman is going to go whip his ass for that. Duh. Do we need to have a whole issue history lesson and pep talk to rev us up for that from a largely uninteresting character?

Squadron Supreme #'s 8-9
The first part of this series started off as a dud, but the last couple of issues have been great. Why? The Squadron is actually here instead of these new losers that Chaykin rolled out in the first arc. So the series has significantly improved with the return of Hyperion et al. Therefore, Marvel has to cancel this series. Oh well. Maybe this universe won't be totally forgotten, but I have a small voice inside that tells me it's done.

Daredevil #'s 116-117
This is an example of the "been there, done that" school of comic books, but it's so damn well written you almost want to forgive Brubaker & Co. for bringing back Kingpin. Almost. The first part to "Return of the King" actually works really well, but the second part feels like a retread of Kingpin/Daredevil truces of the past. At first, I was a bit sad that this creative team was moving on, but now I think maybe it's time. Note to future Daredevil writers; when you start wanting to bring back Kingpin, it's time to move on. Maybe there's an X-book you could write?

The Invincible Iron Man #'s 11-12
I have to admit that Invincible Iron Man is the first monthly Iron Man title I have ever read, but I'm really enjoying the hell out of it. Tony Stark is on the run and doing a nice tour of the Marvel Universe to boot. I didn't read Secret Invasion and am trying to avoid any Dark Reign stuff outside of the titles I usually read, but fans get a large dose of "Osborn won, get over it" here in this title. The art is absolutely gorgeous. It's hard to believe that this is the Salvador Larroca that drew some other, fairly ho-hum titles in the past.

Punisher #3
Already three issues into the new title and Remender is already doing a better job at it than Fraction did with War Journal. I already wrote about this a bit in my last Panelology article, but this is a quality title. However, I think Remender and other Marvel creators are wrong when they say Punisher doesn't have to be taking out these big fish he's gunning after. Um, that's what the Punisher does. He kills bad guys. End of discussion. If he's not doing that, then what's the point? That's why many people are attracted to the character. If you want an antihero that shows mercy, read Batman., If you want people killed like chumps, read Punisher. Next.

Ultimatum #3
Here's a little math to start off this review; Gory + shocking ≠ a good comic book. This series is almost a mockery of the Ultimate concept. Here's Marvels thinking; let's bastardize the core concept that this isn't the Marvel Universe by just killing off all this characters. It will be frickin' great! And shocking too! The only problem here is that it isn't good and it's tying the hands of future Ultimate stories. Oops, that characters dead. Screw it. Marvel is killing more than their Ultimate stable of characters. They are killing my interest. If enough fans are like me, that could be the most damaging death in this whole Ultimatum mess.


Ultimate Spider-Man #131
Despite the whole Ultimatum fiasco being just ridiculous, Ultimate Spider-Man still manages to make lemonade out of lemons. This isn't a great story by comparison to others that have appeared in this title, but it's still entertaining. The Hulk scenes were fun. But why didn't they kill Aunt May? Marvel's killing everyone else. Her ass has got to go in some Universe. Why not here?

Ultimate Fantastic Four #60 & Ultimate X-Men #100
I'm lumping these two titles together because Ultimatum has become a mercy killing for both of these titles. It seems that ever since Marvel decided to go with this Ultimatum mess, the creators of both of these titles have been farting around just waiting for the axe to fall. And it shows. The quality of both of these titles is poor, and that's being kind. Maybe they will come back in some form, but let's hope they can find some A-list creators to write solid stories, not just stories that will occupy space on the comic shelf monthly.

Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk #3
Late? Yes. Worth the wait? Probably not. Decent? Yeah, I guess. While an entertaining read, I breezed through this issue like the Flash on cocaine. This is what we waited so long for? Lindelof had problems writing this? Really? Entertaining, but hardly worth the wait.

That's it for now. Check back tomorrow for the Dark Horse and Wildstorm reviews!
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BG Roundtable: Best & Worst of 2008

by Doug Smith

So, the gang at the Bad Genious was recently sitting around our secret headquarters, eating tater chips and drinking soda pops, when we realized we hadn’t done a roundtable in quite some time. Heck, the last time we did a roundtable, George W. Bush was President!


We quickly decided we should do a “Best & Worst of 2008” round-up. The decision was quick. The putting-together of random thoughts from a bunch of fanboys buzzing on caffeine and junk food? Well, that took a little longer. So, without further ado, I give you…the Best & Worst Comics of 2008!!!

Let’s start with Rory, still riding high from watching his own personal god (small “g”) perform at the Super Bowl…

Rory: Hm. Probably the best was Doctor 13 (although half was in 2007). Worst was Batman RIP.

Doug: That Doctor 13 series was an overlooked gem; I'll wager most people don't even know it exists. It didn't help that it was the back-up feature (in Tales of the Unexpected) to a mediocre Spectre lead story. But there's a trade out there for Doctor 13 and I would highly recommend it.

Brandon: My vote for best comic this year: Punisher #'s 55-60 (“Valley Forge, Valley Forge”).

This was one hell of a swansong for Garth Ennis on the Punisher MAX title. The framing device of using a new Punisher book about his time in Vietnam perfectly framed the story of how a group of military generals is trying to cover up their dirty past. It's a pity Garth Ennis has left this book, but I'm immensely pleased with this story. It's too bad because I feel as if this last arc was overshadowed by the glut of crossovers Marvel has been vomiting up all year.

Doug: I’m definitely suffering from crossover burnout. For the first time in years, I’m looking at some of these crossovers from the Big Two and skipping them. My days as a whore are behind me.

Speaking of whores, here’s our resident X-whore…

The General: I've pretty much just been buying X-titles and trades of things that came out four years ago. And, the X-titles rarely have high moments. They are generally either "decent" or "shitty."

Chris: I thought “Messiah Complex” was really good. Did that come out in 2008?

The General: It ended in January, so really the X-stuff I'd have to consider would all be the stuff that was released after “Messiah Complex”... and that's been a definite mixed bag.

Chris: Okay then and yes, I agree with your assessment. Gonna have to come up with some other stuff then.

While we wait for Chris to put down the chicken wings and come up with some answers, let's check in with our old friend Jon...

Jon Quixote: The Incredible Hulk #165-167 was fantastic.

Editor’s note: Jon is Canadian. This proves my theory that Canada is 35 years behind us in terms of pop culture. He’s also been raving about this “great” new band called Grand Funk Railroad, and he won’t shut up about how much he’s looking forward to Mel Brooks’ next movie, Blazing Saddles.

While we’re on the subject of people that are out of touch, let’s check in with our resident grumpy old man…

Doug: My vote for the best comic of the year goes not to one title, but a whole group of them: I think Marvel has done a great job with their C-list characters in the past year or two.
Immortal Iron Fist may just have been my favorite comic series of 2008, with Nova not too far behind. Guardians of the Galaxy, Captain Britain and MI-13, and The Incredible Hercules are also excellent books. Moon Knight got much better as new writer Mike Benson found his way flying solo. Ms. Marvel continues to be a solid book three years into its run, as does X-Factor. The Inhumans, while not having their own title, continue to play big roles in major Marvel events. Eternals is a strong new series. I wasn't as keen on Ghost Rider, Black Panther, or the just-canceled She-Hulk, but they've all had respectable runs of 30+ issues. Who would have thought, a few years ago, that Marvel would have success with these characters?

On the other hand...2008 was the first year I didn't buy a monthly Avengers series in over 20 years. (I don't count Avengers: The Initiative...it's a good book but it's not really the Avengers.) When I did get sucked into buying New Avengers and Mighty Avengers as part of the Secret Invasion cross-over, it just made me even more upset about the status of my once-favorite series. Those crossovers were a boring waste of time and money, and for the most part, didn't even feature the Avengers! Ah well....Dan Slott arrived on Mighty Avengers this month, so that book is back on my pull list.

The General: I think that Doug's comment about the second tier books being better than the main books is pretty interesting and accurate in many regards.

Editor’s note: I love it when people agree with me. Mostly because it happens so rarely.

The General: I do feel that the main titles have ranged from watered down, to unfocused to just plain boring or bad while many second string characters have had really solid books in the last year or so.

And, I think that holds true for the X-line as well. Uncanny X-Men has had potential, but not found its sea legs. Astonishing X-Men is pretty much irrelevant and uninteresting (the first was to be expected, but the second was the surprise with Ellis writing). The only main X-book that has been any good is X-Men: Legacy... but that's been by effectively turning itself into a second string book focusing on Professor Xavier.

Meanwhile books like X-Force, Cable and Young X-Men, in my opinion, have been more interesting and focused than any of the main titles. And, while they all have their short comings, I find myself reading them often before the main titles.

I would disagree with Doug’s assertion that X-Factor has been strong. In my opinion, all momentum on the title has been undermined by it trying to be tied into every event that comes down the line, which has really caused it to lose focus. The rotating cast of characters and artists has only made matters seem worse. It's pretty close to the chopping block for me.

Mr. Orange: : I'm going to agree with Doug…

Editor’s note: Somebody else agreeing with me? Maybe I should go buy a lottery ticket tonight! Let’s hear that again…

Mr. Orange: I'm going to agree with Doug and Tyler here, the smaller titles have been the best this year; they have been given a lot more leeway and allowed to shine. Books that have spun out of the major events have been really solid, surprisingly so.

I've never read a Deadpool book till Secret Invasion and really enjoyed it, especially as prior to this I’ve not been a fan of Daniel Way's light style of writing. Then there was X-Force, a book I was not expecting to enjoy, but picked up on a whim. It is dark, gritty, and very true to its mandate. So far it has stuck to its guns, and brought along not only action packed stories, but intelligently written ones too.

Though Guardians of the Galaxy hasn't been as great as Nova (which is a hard act to follow), the great scripting of Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning has really brought to life some very obscure characters, especially Rocket Raccoon.





Wow….high praise for a book that features Rocket Raccoon. That seems like as good a spot as any to wrap up our 2008 Best & Worst Roundtable!

Please join us for our next roundtable, which, if Jon Quixote has his way, will have something to do with his declaration that Gordon Lightfoot is the new Dylan.



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From Top to Bottom #19: The End?

by Matt

Welcome to the return (or is it the end?) of the long running and Tony award winning "From Top to Bottom" column! Every column, I will look at something within the comics industry and give you my opinion on what I think is the best and what I think ranks amongst the bottom-feeders.

I was in the middle of writing my new Shout Outs! and Scream Ats! column and I was looking at my set of Premiere hardcovers and I noticed that I have two of Marvel's The End series in that format. I was thinking of some of the other ones that Marvel published and thought about making a new Top/Bottom column based on Marvel's The End series. Especially since Iron Man: The End should be hitting shelves next month and we still have Daredevil: End of Days on the horizon. Hopefully these new End series will be more like my Top 3 picks than the Bottom 3.


3) Fantastic Four: The End
There are a couple of reasons why I really liked this series. The biggest reason was the art by my favorite artist, Alan Davis. The second reason why I liked this series was because it actually had a happy ending. The third reason is that this felt like the Fantastic Four, this is what I would imagine them doing in the future. It begins with the FF battling Dr. Doom which results in the death of Franklin Richards and Valeria Richards. The FF 'disband', Reed loses himself in his work, Susan leaves for an archaeological expedition underwater and eventually runs into Namor. Johnny, is leader of the Avengers, who now police much of the universe and Ben lives with his wife Alicia on Mars with their three children. The Fantastic Four, Reed in particular has helped Earth become a force in the Universe and has invented many things to improve life on Earth especially after the "Mutant Wars". Eventually they reunite when Sue contacts the team and they battle Dr. Doom again and we find out that Franklin and Valeria are alive and they are reunited with their family. A lot more happens than this. The only thing I didn't like was the last page, where basically it tells us that this wasn't really the end but just the beginning. The premise of these types of series was that this was the "End" or final story of the Fantastic Four. I don't mind the happy ending at all but it should just have ended there.



2) Hulk: The End
This is the first 'The End' that Marvel published and I feel that it was one of the best ones. Peter David and Dale Keown crafted a tale where hundreds of years later, the Hulk and Bruce Banner are still fighting for control. The world has ended with a nuclear war and the Hulk is the only survivor. Banner is devastated and tries to end his life but the Hulk manages to keep him alive. Finally, the Hulk and Banner reach a conclusion that results in both getting what they want. Not the happiest of endings but one that did end happy.



1) Punisher: The End
When I first read this I hated it. But each time I read it, I started to really like it and I think it is the strongest "End". Nuclear war (must be a trend here) has ended all life and the Punisher is in prison. A year later, Frank and another survivor trek to New York City to find a bomb shelter, which is hidden deep beneath the former site of the World Trade Centers. There he finds other survivors but deems that these survivors are ones that he would not run the world. So he kills them and then he kills the other guy that came with him because he was a criminal. Then he gets out and walks towards Central Park where we all know is where his family was killed and where the Punisher was born. Then he is consumed by fire. Garth Ennis really nails the Punisher here in this MAX End.


Not all "The End" series were great. Some of them could have been good but either were too long, not creative, or felt familiar.


3) Marvel Universe: The End
This really was not a terrible series but it felt like I had read it before somewhere. There were a couple of things that I did like. I enjoyed Thanos retelling how the Marvel Universe ended and I also liked how heroes kept being resurrected to keep evil in check. And they all the heroes were resurrected during the course of the story as well. What I didn't like was that it felt like the Infinity Gauntlet all over again, or was that Infinity War? It might have been Infinity Crusade, which is my point. I had read this before, the heroes get slaughtered until the strongest ones are left and then they do battle. Can you name them all? Hulk? Check. Warlock? Check. Dr. Strange, Silver Surfer, Dr. Doom? Check. Out of all the Bottom Ends (pun totally intended) this was the most enjoyable and most accessible.



2) X-Men: The End
You would think that the Father of the X-Men would have been the best one to end that franchise but I was wrong. First, this series lasted WAY too long. Three 6-issue series was way too much for me. Claremont had some neat moments in the series but they were few and far between. The majority of the comics just pandered to Claremont's favorites (WarSkulls, Slavers, Brood, Vargas, etc). If you didn't enjoy Chris's second and third run on the X-Men I would stay far away from this series. Most of the X-Men were featured which was nice but this didn't really feel like an X-Men story. I was expecting something along the lines of God Loves, Man Kills but I got something more like New Excalibur.



1) Wolverine: The End
At least this one didn't go beyond 6 issues. This was supposed to tie into Origin but I had a hard time following what was going on. Why did this series take #1? Wolverine (whom was an old fart by this time) was being stalked by the White Ghost who claimed that he could have killed him 200 years ago. Then why he just didn't kill him then? The White Ghost turns out to be John Howlett III, his brother from Origin. The White Ghost has this grand plan to put mutants on top and Wolverine and him wrestle and they fall out of a window and the White Ghost is killed when he is impaled on Logan's claws. Then the White Ghost whispers that he is sorry. That makes little sense to me. Why would he apologize when he said he could have killed him anytime? This horrible story was not helped by the cluttered artwork as well. I expected something like Wolverine's first miniseries but I got something completely opposite. Ugh.

This concludes another "Top/Bottom" column. Is this the "End" of these columns as well? I might have another one in me, I did just recently re-read Secret Wars II (in anticipation of the Omnibus) and I could post my Top/Bottom moments if you readers would like more. Read more!

X-Men: The Hunkies

by Sarah

Welcome to the new Bad Genious column, X-Men: The Hunkies. Each month, an X-Man will be picked for us to drool over. Oh, and maybe we'll say a few words as to why we're drooling so much over him.

To kickstart this droolworthy endeavor, the finest of the bunch has been chosen. Okay, so it was my choice and I'm biased, but I'm a gal in love. So without further ado, please ogle Gambit!

What is it that makes Gambit so popular? Is it those extremely manly and oh-so-hard pecs of his? His smooth, sexy, Cajun accent? His burning eyes? His humour? His charisma? His soulfulness and how he seems to be seeking redemption? The way he whispers "Mon Chere"? The way he handles a pack of cards? Or is it the bad boy attitude, the mischievousness, the flirtiness? Maybe it's all of these.


My love for Gambit first started when I watched the cartoon on tv. Unlike my fellow BGers, I wasn't a comic reader; that didn't happen until much later in my life. Apart from the hotness, I loved his character, the bit of bad-boy-trying-to-do-good. Oh, and the way he just said "Mon Chere" melted my heart. Years later when I met my husband, he took me to Forbidden Planet in London and there I found that I could read about my favourite character (yes, sure, I know that's sad how an early twenty-something was only just finding out about comics, but I made up for it).

The first comic I ever bought was the Rogue trade paperback. I loved the dynamics between Rogue and Gambit and, hey, I could imagine I was Rogue for a bit. After that, I hit every comic shop I could find to get as much Gambit action (and other comics) as I could. Apart from the last run of his own self-titled series, I think I pretty much have most of his stuff. I even have my own Marvel Legends Gambit...although he is currently in storage. Plus I have a pretty groovy piece of artwork.

Well that's enough rambling I think it's time we had some pictures and maybe we'll hear just why you love Gambit so much.







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Secret Invasion #5: Now with 500% More Tie-Ins

by Liana

Marvel thought it would be a good idea to release Secret Invasion #5 at the same time as FOUR of its tie-ins. Apparently, the powers that be at Marvel believe their fans have an abundance of cash burning holes in their pockets and are doing everything they can to save the pants! A noble campaign, for sure. Well, I only got two of their tie-ins (Inhumans and X-Men), but I added three back-issues (Fantastic Four) to the pile. As we’re keeping score, that’s six skrullicious comics in one week. I have a feeling Marvel’s pockets are in better shape than mine right now.








Secret Invasion #5 was much better than last month’s borefest. Lots happens and most of it makes sense, despite Leinil Yu’s muddled artwork (seriously, has this guy always been so….not great?). Apparently, the ship that landed in the Savage Land really was full of Skrulls, though it seems the Skrulls themselves didn’t realize they were actually Skrulls. There’s some kind of secret agent/hypnotism angle working here (see the X-Men tie-in review below). In fact, it’s starting to look like some of these Skrulls aren’t really on board with what they’re doing. Take the case of Captain Marvel. He was definitely identified as a Skrull last issue, right? Because he’s not too happy about that now and it looks like he’s going to do something about it. Also not very happy about how things are going down? HawkeyeRonin. He thought he wife was back from the dead, but it turned out she was just another damn dirty Skrull. But, if one man has cornered the market on pissed-off retribution, it’s Reed Richards. Agent Brand (turns out she totally kicks ass) rescued his strecthiness, and now he’s shooting some fantastic gizmo to determine the pink from the green. This is how we find out Tony Stark isn’t a Skrull after all. Bummer. Not a bummer? Agent Hill (turns out she also kicks ass) teaching SkrullJarvis a lesson, despite his best efforts to not learn it. There were a few problems with this issue, but they’re hardly worth focusing on. Secret Invasion is back to being fun, so I’m just going to enjoy it. B+


Secret Invasion: Fantastic Four #1-3 was sitting on the shelf, the “compleat” run, when I went to the comic shop. I decided I wasn’t really interested, but then Dan pointed out it was drawn by Barry Kitson. I swooned for a moment as I flashed back to the happiness that was Kitson and Waid’s Legion of Super-Heroes, then had Dan grab all three issues, despite having not loved Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa’s writing in the past. So, what have Johnny and Ben (and the kids) been up to while Reed’s been stretched to capacity (I forget where Sue’s been)? They’ve been hanging out in the Negative Zone, thanks to Johnny’s ex-skrullover, Lyja. Giant bugs yadda yadda yadda lover’s spat blah blah blah Lyja is going to stay in the Negative Zone ho hum. Franklin has the son-of-a-genius idea to raid his dad’s prison to find someone to fix the transporter back to the real world, so they end up forming an alliance with the Tinkerer, who is now apparently a harmless old grandpa. Okay, sure. This mini-series was okay, but nothing special unless you’ve been screaming inside wondering where in the green hell Lyja has been all this time. I haven’t. B-


Secret Invasion: X-Men #1 is here to remind you that Nightcrawler can be rendered semi-retarded by simply questioning his faith. The Skrulls invade San Francisco and are shocked to be confronted by our merry mutants. Somebody did some bad recon, but don’t worry, he got shot in the head for his shoddy work. It’s in the shadow of the Golden Gate Bridge that we learn of a mysterious purple orb that is here to save our souls (and may be controlling the Skrulls; perhaps it is how He of “He loves you” fame is pushing his agenda?). And, when it comes to souls, no one is more tortured and confused than Nightcrawler, whose IQ drops to seventeen as soon as he comes in contact with the clearly evil ball of trickery. I hate the way Cary Nord draws the X-Men, but I love the way he draws the Skrulls, so the art’s a toss up. I like how Mike Carey writes Cyclops (totally badass), but everyone else is kind of just there, doing exactly what you expect of them. I can’t believe this is going to be four issues, or that I’ll actually get them all. C+


Secret Invasion: Inhumans #1 is the best thing to come out of this event so far. Tom Raney’s boobtacular handling of Crystal aside, the art is really good and the writing by Joe Pokaski (what’s this guy done that I would know?) is spot on. The Inhumans are as wonderfully inbred and angry as you expect. Maximus makes a scary and bored king and Medusa is coming into her own as one of my favorite women in all of comics. The Skrulls are planning to use Black Bolt as the “greatest weapon the Empire has ever unleashed.” I’m thinking this desire to use all of Earth’s heroes as weapons against Earth’s forces isn’t going to work out in the end. Just a hunch. I don’t want to tell you too much about this issue because, if you’re going to read anything Secret Invasion related, I want it to be this. A- Read more!

I TOLD You Cyclops is a Dick Husband

by Liana

Less than two weeks ago, I told you it was time for Jean Grey to come back, but not to her dick husband. “I like Cyke!” you whined. I rolled my eyes as threateningly as possible, but you held strong to your ridiculous opinion. But now I have irrefutable Internet proof that Cyclops is, in fact, a dick husband. Thanks to cracked.com's list of the six worst comic book super-husbands, I am proven right and the rest of you must shut up and accept the cold, hard truth: Cyclops is a dick.

You’ll have to click over to find out who’s the worst of the worst, but I’ll let you know that it isn’t Peter Parker, who sold his marriage to Satan in exchange for hip replacement and Alzheimer’s.

I’ll also point out that I think Cyclops would have placed a lot higher than fourth if they’d bothered to include his fiasco of a marriage to Madelyne Pryor. I mean, the guy married the dead love-of-his-life’s clone and promptly left her and their infant son when the love-of-his-life proved not-so-dead after all. Not that I'm particularly bent out of shape over it or anything, but it just goes to show what kind of guy we're talking about here.

Most importantly--and perhaps the thing that will make me a regular cracked.com reader--is that they totally see that homewrecking bimbo Emma for what she is: the sluttiest psychic in town.

So go ahead and try to tell me, the world, the Internet....just try to tell us all that Cyclops isn't a dick. See if we believe you. (We don't.)

Oh yeah, what did you think of the rest of the list? Read more!

From Top to Bottom: X-Men Miniseries

by Matt

Welcome to the 14th edition of the weekly "From Top to Bottom" column! Every week I will look at something within the comics industry and give you my opinion on what I think is the best and what I think ranks amongst the bottom-feeders.

Last week, I celebrated the release of Uncanny X-Men #500 by looking at the Top and Bottom of Uncanny X-Men Anniversary Issues. Since I have X-Men on the brain, I figured I would do another X-column. Recently at the San Diego comic convention, Marvel made the announcement of the X-Men: Infernus miniseries, so I thought it would be fun to look at the Top and Bottom of X-Men mini-series.

There have been a TON of X-Men miniseries. When I first looked into this topic, I was shocked at the sheer amount of X-Men miniseries. Almost all of the X-Men themselves have had a miniseries at some point, some of them have had more than one (I would kill for a Jim Krueger written Banshee miniseries) and while some of them have been gems, most were rather plain to absolutely horrible. It is a who's who of the X-Men, Cyclops, Beast, Angel, Iceman, Colossus, Wolverine (shocking!), Storm, Phoenix (Rachel Summers), Gambit, Cable, Bishop, Nightcrawler, Magneto, Chamber, Jubilee, Kitty Pryde, Archangel and Psylocke have all had a miniseries at some point and I am sure I am forgetting some. Some of the X-Men miniseries were large events or stemmed from a large event. And again, some of those were good, most were not. Here are my Top 3.


3) X-Men/Alpha Flight: The Gift
Written by Chris Claremont with art by Paul Smith. This was probably Smith's finest work on the X-Men. Cyclops and Madelyne Pryor are flying scientists to the Arctic Circle, when their plane is struck by something mysterious. Rachel Summers senses this and the X-Men believe it was an attack from Shaman of Alpha Flight. So the X-Men head to Canada to confront Alpha Flight. Only they find Cyclops and the crew safe and have been changed into powerful beings who vow to change the world. They heal various members of both Alpha Flight and the X-Men, proving how powerful they are. And who is behind it? Loki, the God of Lies. This was a fantastic miniseries, Claremont was at top of his game here. His stories with Loki were some of my all-time favorites.


2) Fantastic Four versus the X-Men
I LOVED this series. So much was happening at the time this came out. The X-Men had just barely survived the Mutant Massacre and they contacted Reed Richards because he had a machine that could save Kitty from fading away. During this time, Dr. Doom had planted a diary of Reed Richard's that told the story of how the Fantastic Four were really formed. Sue discovers the diary and finds out that Reed had done all of this on purpose. This shakes the FF to their core and Reed backs out from helping Shadowcat and Wolverine starts a fight (I loved seeing Wolverine go berserk on Reed). Dr. Doom comes in to save the day and offers his help to cure Shadowcat. Franklin dreams of the death of the X-Men and Fantastic Four and the diary is at the center of it all. If you haven't read this series, do yourself a favor and track this series down! This was written by Chris Claremont with Jon Bogdanove. Bogdanove's art was fantastic, laregly due to Terry Austin's inks.

1) Wolverine
My dad bought this series for me when it was first released as a trade paperback many years ago and Wolverine quickly became one of my favorite characters. This series made Wolverine more than just a guy with claws. One thing that I have noticed is that Wolverine does not get humbled in today's stories as he did back in the old days. Shingen totally humiliates him, not only does he beat him physically but he beats him mentally as well. The perfect example is when they first do battle, Shingen fights him with with wooden swords since he believes that Wolverine is not worthy. Shingen easily bests him. In the rematch, Wolverine proves that he is worthy. Chris Claremont wrote this series as well along with art by Frank Miller.

I wish all X-Men miniseries were like those. Interesting to note that all of my favorites were written by Chris Claremont. You'd think that all of his miniseries would have been as good but that is sadly not the case. He has written a few stinkers as well. Speaking of...


3) X-Men: Black Sun
Ugh. This miniseries was terrible. And what a horrible Banshee cover, it looks like he is belching. I don't remember much about this series but I know that I pawned it off on eBay pretty quickly. I never liked the whole N’Garai concept either. The only thing that I liked is that the return of Magik really turned out to be Amanda Sefton taking over as ruler of Limbo. Even though it made no sense that Kitty didn't figure that out early on. It also featured the return of Pilgrimm. Ugh, why is this not #1?




2) Kitty Pryde: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
This is why. At least Black Sun had something interesting. This series was such a waste of time and money. Kitty Pryde takes an offer from SHIELD to have her work as a technician and she finds out that Ogun has possessed the systems of SHIELD. Wolverine joins the fray (as customary in 90's X-Men titles) and they together battle Ogun. I would go into more details but I just can't force myself to go on any further. You may not know this but I read all of these books again just for these columns and I still have the #1 Bottom book to go.




1) Magneto
Could it get any worse? Yes, it certainly can and this proves it. This was Magneto's first miniseries and I had some high hopes for it since Magneto was my favorite X-villain. This Magneto was really Joseph and the basis of the series was him learning who Magneto was. I expected him to go bad again and what I got was something bad. The art by Kelley Jones was just as out of place and ugly as Peter Milligan's writing. Part of my hatred for this series comes from the Acolytes themselves. I liked the Acolytes when they first appeared and when they died shortly after. The membership of the Acolytes never made sense to me, you had Acolytes that were dead who were actually alive, you had Acolytes like Cortez, who betrayed the team but then came back, and I was plain tired of who was what and why. I would've sold this series on eBay but no one wanted it.

Did I surprise anyone that I didn't list ClanDestine/X-Men on my Top list since Alan Davis is my favorite creator? Surprised that X-men: Deadly Genesis was not on my Bottom list because Banshee was killed in it? (Banshee was a Skrull anyway) For every good miniseries, we got a couple mediocre/bad ones. For the fun Clandestine/X-men miniseries we also got X-Men: Liberators and Archangel & Psylocke: Crimson Dawn. For the cool X-Men versus the Avengers miniseries, we got X-Men: Die by the Sword and X-Men: 198. Do I need to mention the X-Men Icons miniseries that came out around 2000-2001? They could have had their own Bottom entry.

Here is hoping that the new X-Men: Infernus miniseries is one of the good miniseries. Of course, I am such an X-Whore that I will buy them all anyway.
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