8.04.2008

I TOLD You Cyclops is a Dick Husband

by Liana

Less than two weeks ago, I told you it was time for Jean Grey to come back, but not to her dick husband. “I like Cyke!” you whined. I rolled my eyes as threateningly as possible, but you held strong to your ridiculous opinion. But now I have irrefutable Internet proof that Cyclops is, in fact, a dick husband. Thanks to cracked.com's list of the six worst comic book super-husbands, I am proven right and the rest of you must shut up and accept the cold, hard truth: Cyclops is a dick.

You’ll have to click over to find out who’s the worst of the worst, but I’ll let you know that it isn’t Peter Parker, who sold his marriage to Satan in exchange for hip replacement and Alzheimer’s.

I’ll also point out that I think Cyclops would have placed a lot higher than fourth if they’d bothered to include his fiasco of a marriage to Madelyne Pryor. I mean, the guy married the dead love-of-his-life’s clone and promptly left her and their infant son when the love-of-his-life proved not-so-dead after all. Not that I'm particularly bent out of shape over it or anything, but it just goes to show what kind of guy we're talking about here.

Most importantly--and perhaps the thing that will make me a regular cracked.com reader--is that they totally see that homewrecking bimbo Emma for what she is: the sluttiest psychic in town.

So go ahead and try to tell me, the world, the Internet....just try to tell us all that Cyclops isn't a dick. See if we believe you. (We don't.)

Oh yeah, what did you think of the rest of the list?

8 comments:

Vocal Minority said...

I feel for Scott.

I mean, how insanely bad a wife must Jean have been - how utterly terrible in bed and generally unrewarding - to force him to look elsewhere?

Poor guy. We can but hope she stays dead and he can finally escape her.

Brandon said...

Exactly right. I mean, how would you feel if your wife was some powerful space deity? Women generally have a superiority complex anyway, but to have actually powers to back that craziness up? That's just tough. Talk about feeling an inferiority complex! You go, Scott.

Vocal Minority said...

Plus, how much more fun is Emma than Jean? Jean's boring. Emma is moody, irrational and that, but a hell of a lot more fun. And kinky!

You can't blame him for getting out of a bad thing and following a happier route.

Brandon said...

Plus, in the recent issue of Playboy, they stated that none of the top 100 wealthiest men dated or were married to redheads. Why should powerful mutants be any different?

Emma is a lot of fun. Being with Jean over Emma is liking wanting to be with June Cleaver over Carmen Elektra.

Yas said...

Cyclops is so misunderstood.

Matt said...

I'd take Jean over that whore Emma anyday.

Brandon said...

I'd pay for that whore Emma over the Jean freebie any day.

KACH! said...

Mary Jane sold the marriage to Satan.

--J.