Another Godd@*# Batman List: The Most Insane Moments from All Star Batman (so-far)

by Patrick

Here we are, ready for our tenth issue of ALL STAR BATMAN AND ROBIN THE BOY WONDER, and DC issues a recall because you can read they didn't do a good enough job blacking out all the swears that Frank Miller wrote. So why we wait for the long awaited issue to be pulped and reprinted, it seems like a good moment to sit back, look back at the first nine issues, and ask ourselves, "what the hell was Frank Miller and Jim Lee thinking?!" So, now the Bad Genious would like to present the wildest, wackiest, craziest moments that made fandom put their funny books down, look at each other, and say "what the F*@%?"

#1: Talking with Green Lantern Batman finds a way to deal with Hal Jordan. You have to think why didn't Sonar or Black Hand ever use this method.

I love that he's drinking lemonade. It pushes the gag that much farther. And you'll now how Batman refers to himself, which brings us to bullet point #2...

#2: THE GODDAMN BATMAN: No one noticed when Vicky Vale called him by his newest trademarked name (Granted, we were paying more attention to her underwear parade when she rolled out the name).

Clark Kent is way too proper of a young man to say the whole thing out loud, but we all know he is thinking it.

Black Canary seems to think it's his first name.

But everyone takes notice when our favorite playboy millionaire start referring to himself as "The Goddamn Batman!"

#3: Batman Rolls Over Some Cops. So Batman, you've just saved your future sidekick from corupt police officers. Now what are you going to do?
"I'm going to run them over like roadkill!"

All Star Batman- Bringing you the pure Batman you grew up with!

#4: The Introduction of Wonder Woman: We start out with Wonder Woman walking to a meeting with the Justice League. And she just feels like sharing her view of men as she walks along: Sperm-Banks!

Then we have the Amazon's view on what to do with the "Batman Problem."

And then she reacts as only woman on TV or in Frank Miller comics act. Namely "I Hate you! You make me sick! Yet, you turn me on and must have my way with you."

Somehow, I don't think this is what Adam Huges had in mind when he signed up to produce ALL-STAR WONDER WOMAN.


And our final moment...
#6: Batman hooks up with Black Canary
Black Canary. In the DCU, she's a strong willed, strong female. Leader of the Justice League. And not someone who you would want to mess with.
All-Star Black Canary, not quite the strong female role model we see in her own book. Hence her jumping Batman's bones the second she see him.

That's all for today. Until Batgirl beats up gang members while shouting profanities, make mine All-Star Batman!


Chris Ware said...

The more I read some of the atrocious dialogue and characterizations in this book, the less I want to read it, despite the gorgeous Jim Lee art. That is just AWFUL stuff...way to denigrate both Wonder Woman and Black Canary there, Frank.

Brandon said...

I have laughed my ass off at this book. I just see Miller heckling away, rubbing shit in his hair, speaking in tongues, and setting stuff on fire as he madly types this book. It's just insane fun.

Matt said...

I LOVE this book! Fun and crazy stuff!

Devin said...

One of the best comics out there currently. Anyone who thinks Miller is trying to make this a serious comic is about as silly as someone who goes into Team America: World Police expecting a straight-forward action movie.

It's hilarious. It's Frank Miller parodying himself and what Batman has become (thanks, in part, to him).

People say Batman is as crazy as his villains? Well, here's a Batman who is crazier! Bruce Wayne died the night his parents was shot? Yes, he did, and now Batman is trying to kill Dick Grayson so Robin can be born.

Now, if I may bring in my favourite whipping boy, the Nolan franchise, let's take a look at a recent Miller quote:

"People are attempting to bring a superficial reality to superheroes which is rather stupid. They work best as the flamboyant fantasies they are. I mean, these are characters that are broad and big. I don't need to see sweat patches under Superman's arms. I want to see him fly."

Nolan gives us a Batman who needs a tank to avoid the police? Miller one-ups it and gives us a tank that annihilates the police. Ledger's Joker ain't that funny? Miller's Joker says "I'm not that funny" and mundanely kills someone with a belt...even now losing the half-assed "Let's put a smile on that face." And is it any coincidence that now Batman is the one who commits atrocities as "HAHAHAHA!" fills the page?

I love when satire is so good that most people don't even get it.

guttertalk said...

I guess Robocop II was parody, too.

Sorry, but I bought one issue of this garbage and that was enough for me. Those quotes don't prove this is satire.

Frankly, this is not all that far removed from most of his work.