Secret Invasion: Hammer Time

by Liana

How does the old song go? If I had a hammer, I’d @#%* up Skrulls in the morning, I’d @#%* up Skrulls in the evening....Man, if only someone in the Marvel Universe had a hammer, all our heroes’ troubles would be solved.


Oh @#%* yeah! Who loves you now!


New Avengers #44
Brian Michael Bendis, Billy Tan

The Internet told me this was an important issue of NA that would explain everything to me. And since I believe EVERYTHING the Internet tells me, I brought it home and read it first. Well, it does tell you how the Skrulls infiltrated Earth. That is, it tells you how the Skrulls stole from Reed Richards’ mind the method by which they could shapeshift even their DNA so as to be undetectable by any of Earth’s heroes or technologies. So, you ready for this? When the Illuminati went to the Skrull Throneworld, Skrullerdome, to tell the Skrulls that they would not tolerate any more attempted Earth invasions, they were captured for a short time. Obviously, they escaped, but the Skrulls managed to clone them all with super sophisticated Skrull technology (I wonder who has the superior technology, the Skrulls or the Shi’ar?) that allowed the Skrulls to create scenarios where the cloned heroes would discuss what they should do to prepare against another Skrull invasion. That’s right. Skrull cloning technology included the ability to transfer all intelligence, thoughts and ability to apply existing thoughts to new thoughts....yeah, it’s a little farfetched, but we’ll accept it. Through these experiments, the Skrulls learned that Reed Richards has in his mind--and therefore in his clone’s mind--the knowledge the Skrulls seek. Unfortunately, their mindreader isn’t smart enough to understand what Reed’s thinking, so they have to try something tricky. The set up a scenario with the clone and SkrullSue and SkrullFranklin that tricks SkrullCloneReed into writing it all down. And there you have it. This is how the Skrulls snuck their dirty butts onto our planet. And it’s why Reed Richard is SkrullEnemy Numero Uno and our only hope. Grade: B


Secret Invasion #6
Brian Michael Bendis, Leinil Francis Yu

Why are so many people bored with this event? Aside from issue #4, which was a steaming pile of Nothing Happened, I think it’s been terrific fun. This issue sees Mar-Skrull finding Marvel Boy, the Skrull Empress reuniting with her Skrull forces at the Inititative’s headquarters, delusional civilians welcoming the Skrulls as saviors, Earth’s heroes flying from the Savage Land to the now-destroyed New York City, and the return of everybody’s favorite Norse god, walking tall and carrying a BIG hammer. Look out, Skrullscum! There is the odd coloring on the plane from the Savage Land (Punisher is blonde), and the art is the typical muddied affair for this series....that is until the last two-page spread. You know, where our heroes--Avengers, Young Avengers, Thunderbolts, those D-listers the Hood collected, Nick Fury’s strangers, Wolverine (now that I think about it, was he not fighting Skrulls in San Francisco?)--and the Skrulls finally face off against each other. It’s real purty. Dan stared at it for several minutes. I think he drooled too, but I didn’t point it out for fear of embarrassing him. Clearly, Yu has been rushing through every single panel so that he could put all his efforts into that battle. Grade: B+


Secret invasion: Inhumans #2
Joe Pokaski, Tom Raney

What's the next best thing to a big hammer for @#%*ing up Skrulls? Crazy long kickass hair. This mini-series isn’t only the best SI tie-in, it’s better than Secret Invasion itself. In fact, I don’t know if I’m enjoying any Marvel comic as much as I am this one. I used to think that I wanted Sean McKeever to come back to Marvel just to write a new Inhumans series, but now, I don’t know who Joe Pokaski is, but if he doesn’t get an ongoing Inhumans series after this, then I’m going to have to believe that Joe Quesada is on crack or he hates me. Or both. I mean, come on, who could hate me? Crack addicts, that’s who. Although, with Emma Frost’s ever-growing prominence in the MU, I suppose I already could be running with the crack addict theory. But I think this it was they call a digression. Karnak, Gorgon and Crystal kick all kinds of dirty Skrullbutt while Medusa gets extra nasty with her husband’s impersonator, subjecting him to repeated doses of terrigen mists to torture Black Bolt’s location out of him. Then Medusa takes a small, elite team to rescue her husband. I think she leaves Lockjaw in charge. Sure, Maximus is king, but I think he’s busy cowering somewhere. I was surprised to learn that Medusa and Black Bolt have a son. How did I miss that? I was even more surprised when the Skrulls stole Black Bolt’s voice. Holy *. This book is so cool. Grade: A