How To Make A Character Lame: The Punisher

by Brandon

Not all comic books are equal.

We fans all know that. Some comic books are just better than others. Many times it is an isolated incident. But there are some instances where a character is treated poorly over a long period of time. Sometimes is laughably bad. Sometimes it can be downright insulting to the fans.

All superhero books don't necessarily make the title characters out to be great. In fact, many longtime comic book characters have had their fair share of lame moments. One of the longest suffering characters to the disease of inequity is Frank Castle, The Punisher. Here are the five worst turns for poor Frank Castle.


Make Punisher Black
Yeah. Marvel hit some pretty bad lows in the 1990s. There probably isn't a better example than when Marvel turned Punisher black. It sounds wacky now, but someone at Marvel had to think, "This is freaking great!" at the time. It went down like this...

The Final Days story arc had gone for seven issues, including the seventh part which was a conclusion of sorts. Frank castle had been pursued by the Kingpin's sinister agents even into prison where a group of thugs led by Jigsaw carved Frank's face ala the aforementioned Jigsaw. Frank manages to escape prison, but he was still being harassed by a group of Kingpin's goons. At this point, any sensible vigilante would know that it was time to change his appearance. Frank hooks up with a drug addict underground plastic surgeon. They are apparently more easily accessible than one might imagine. Franks task her with making him unrecognizable... and she does.

I think Frank was just as shocked as anyone. What follows is a stereotypical and humorous romp through any preconceived notion white folks had about the treatment of blacks in America in the 1990s. What's the first damn thing that happens in issue #60 when Frank gets on the road? That's right: he gets pulled over in a gross miscarriage of racial profiling. Of course, Frank doesn't want to play by their rules. One cop asks him, "What's the matter, boy? Cat got your tongue?" When there is no answer, another cop whacks Frank in the back, saying, "Maybe the coon's got his tongue!" Frank proceeds to beat some ass, but the righteous ass whipping that follows is not carried off without some help.

In the 1990s, if you were going to be turned black, you could only have a few other black superhero friends. So Frank had the Falcon, Blade, or Luke Cage to choose from. Of course, if you wanted to be the baddest m&%^#$ f%^&*# on the block, the winner had to be Luke Cage. Awesome. Once Cage gets in on the fight and spirits Punisher away from the scene, they go back to Cage's hood. What do they find there? A drug dealer pushing his product on a kid playing basketball. Yeah... Marvel P.C. at its best. By the end of issue #60, Marvel readily declares the team-up as being between BLOOD BROTHERS.

But don't worry. He got better. By issue #62, apparently the mafia couldn't stand him being black and forced him back into his normal digs. I mean, come on, white bread America couldn't take a black dude waxing drug addicts and criminals. That type of righteous indignation can only be reserved for white Vietnam veterans.

Anywhere a reader steps in the four issues dealing with the black Punisher he or she is bound to find something laughably objectionable. This was an instant WTF classic. Despite my heavy trading of comics when I was kid, I always held onto these issues from when I bought them back in '91. Recommended for the sheer Borat-style laughs you will get.

Make Punisher Kitschy
The Punisher was everywhere in the 1990s. If your book didn't have Punisher in it, then you pretty much sucked. One of the oft mentioned stories that featured Punisher was the Archie crossover. The 1990s were rife with ill-conceived crossovers. That's part of their charm, I suppose. But thankfully we've moved past the need to have crossovers and events book that are meant to only move books instead of telling decent stories. Right?

The story takes place in idyllic Riverdale, U.S.A. The Punisher is in pursuit of a criminal that looks oddly enough like mild mannered Archie Andrews. Hilarity ensues as Archie and this nefarious lookalike intertwine in mesh of zany fun and good humor. Punisher does pull a gun on Archie. You don't get to see that everyday at Riverdale High. No, sir.

For added kitsch value, the Marvel edition of this featured a die cut cover. Nothing says awesome crossover like an enhanced cover. For the record, I own both versions. I'm not ashamed to admit that.

Make Punisher an Angel/Demon Thingy
The decline of the Punisher in the early to mid 1990s is a cautionary tale of too much of one thing really is too much. Most people remember that Spider-Man and Wolverine were appearing all over the Marvel Universe, but Punisher was also everywhere during this time, like the Archie crossover mentioned above. Once this overexposure and lackluster revivals completely panned out, there was really only one option left.

Kill the Punisher.

Of course, this being comics, that only meant he was going to come back... in the employee of heaven. Or was it hell? I forget which one, thankfully. The two miniseries that spawned out of this wellspring of creativity(one solo, one with Wolverine) were just terrible. They are pretty much universally accepted by all Punisher fans as the low point in a career of some pretty shitty stuff. Garth Ennis thankfully cleaned the slate with Welcome Back Frank by ignoring any developments during that dark time.

Recently, I did manage to see copies of the first miniseries at a local shop for $5 each. This retailer assumes that you are a chump.

Make Punisher Blow Up Cars in the Shape of a Skull
I have go tot be honest with you here: I actually like the various Punisher films. I'll let that sink in a minute.

Finished? Good. Knowledge is power and now that you have been informed, we can continue.

The year 2004 saw the first attempt from Lion's Gate to revive The Punisher movie franchise (if one can call it that). I can admit that there were some dumb scenes in all three Punisher movies, but the dumbest of all is the final scene of this Thomas Jane fueled film. Punisher came off as more The Manipulator throughout this film. He plotted long and hard to get back at John Travolta's character. I mean, really hard. Not only does Punisher end up waxing his guy in the final showdown of the film, he places a bunch of elaborate bombs around a car lot in order to make a skull shaped firebomb in the explosion. Really. He does that.


Yeah... I just hope all of his enemies were flying that night, otherwise it might have been hard for them to get his oh so subtle message. It would have been a waste of all his hard effort for them to be just toking up or shooting someone while he sent his fiery warning to the underworld.

Make Punisher Frankenstein
The thing that most Punisher fans like about the character has nothing to do with the fantastical world he inhabits. Most fans enjoy the Punisher because he isn't fantastical. He's real. He was never washed in gamma radiation. Nor was never bitten by an irradiated insect. As a child, Frank Castle wasn't rocketed to earth as the last survivor of a dying race. And he sure as hell wasn't born with mutated genes. The Punisher was born out of a terrible situation in which his family was murdered, with his experiences in Vietnam painting an important backdrop. He never needed superpowers to be who he was. He didn't need other worldly improvements.

We Punisher fans just like him the way he is. Punisher doesn't need to change.

Detractors are quick to point out that comic fans are just too stuck in their ways and don't allow for change. Let's be frank: there is change and there is stupid change. Changing Punisher's race, the tone of his books, or his super powers are all certainly changes. Stupid, idiotic, and absolutely rotten changes, but changes nonetheless. Changing things up for the sake of it isn't really innovative. It can be downright harmful to the character.

If Marvel feels the need to change the character, so be it. But is it necessary to change the fundamentals of the character? Any Punisher reader can already paint the idiotic "reset button" story that will have to be done because this change can't last long. But it is unnecessary. Punisher is getting a little long in the tooth. If we need a refresher, retcon his experiences from Vietnam to Iraq or Afghanistan. Don't wholesale what makes the character great.

But it looks like some major changes are in store for the Marvel Universe version of Punisher. That's too bad because Rick Remender seems to be a great writer. For at least the first few issues of the new relaunch it appeared he actually got the character. Turning Frank Castle into Frankenstein isn't exactly proof of that now. It's zany and crazy, but not in the good way. If anything, we fans are either going to be getting more Kitschy Punisher or a horror infused Punisher. Either way, we fans will just have to wait and see where our favorite character is going to now.
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Summer Reading, pt. 5

by Brandon

The penultimate article of my summer reading series has arrived! That lusty picture to the left isn't here just to fit our monthly T&A quotient! No sir, we have more taste than that around these parts.

My monthly shipment of new comics arrived Monday afternoon and I was stoked to read up on all the things I'd seen floating around the vast Internet the past few weeks. The first things I read were my Marvel titles. I'm a shameless Marvel Zombie, I can admit to that, but I would be a liar if I didn't say that some of the Marvel books I have been reading have been a little lackluster lately.

But was I disappointed or elated this month? Read on.



The Invincible Iron Man #15
What can I say about the "World's Most Wanted" arc that I haven't already said? The plodding storyline continues on into part 8. I don't mind a longer story if there is actually a story to tell. But Invincible Iron Man has become a book where Tony Stark is on the run... and that's pretty much it. This story could have easily been condensed down, but because it has to fit within the framework of the Dark Reign non-event event, we get a seemingly unending stream of escapes and near-misses. Tony Stark may be losing his mind, but I'm losing my patience. Do something here, Fraction. Anything. Please?

Frank Castle: The Punisher #72
Most of the Punisher Max arcs are serious and grounded in a harsh reality that is hard to take at times. But Garth Ennis wisely broke up the intensity every now and then with a humorous arc. Victor Gischler deftly follows in Ennis' footsteps here by giving the reader fun, yet characteristically violent romp with Frank Castle in "Welcome to the Bayou." Stylistically, this reminds me of the film 2,000 Maniacs on some level. There isn't a supernatural angle working here, but the idea of Podunk rednecks in the Louisiana Bayou trapping outsiders for their own nefarious purposes is ridiculous and entertaining all at once. There are several laugh out loud lines here, surprisingly delivered by Frank Castle. Goran Parlov, Punisher Max veteran artists, provides complimentary art to the outlandish send up. The appearance of the gangbanger in the back of Frank's car at the end of the issue is sure to throw a new wrench into the hectic story. This book is highly recommended if you want to find a solid book with dark humor.

Punisher #7
D-listers unite! Ah... Rick Remender apparently has plans to turn Frank into Frankenstein in his upcoming "Rest in Pieces" arc, but for now readers have to settle for Frank icing the D-List All-Stars the Hood has assembled to take out Punisher. The thing that makes Punisher work so well in the Marvel Universe is that he was very different from your average costumed bear. He didn't deal with the fantastical all that much despite it being right next door. He was detached from the spandex set, but had a purpose. I just don't see that purpose coming out of this incarnation of Punisher. Frank Castle gunning after the D-Lister All-Stars just doesn't seem right or appropriate for the character. This just doesn't feel right. If the preview images are any indication, that feeling of trepidation is going to stick around for a little while.

Ultimatum #5
Speaking of feelings of trepidation, the final issue of Ultimatum finally hit the shelves last week. The verdict? Ugh. To be fair, it was a lot better than I expected. Though it seemed like half the book's pages were splash-pages (I wish I were exaggerating), Loeb has set up an interesting environment for the post-Ultimatum Ultimate universe. Let's all just forget the fact that he had to commit character genocide in order to establish this setting, but it worked. Mutants are on the run and heroes everywhere are dead. A vacuum has been created story wise and that can be fertile ground for storytelling in the near future. But was it worth it? Loeb has been criticized up and down, and rightly so, for his wholesale butchering of the Ultimate Universe. There are too many cooks in the kitchen now and with any luck he will be exiting out through the back. With Millar, Bendis, and Ellis at the helm for the Ultimate Comics relaunch, perhaps fans can expect better and brighter days ahead for the Ultimate Universe.

Ultimatum Spider-Man Requiem #2
The story here was solid, but like the previous issue, it seemed more like a rejected story from the regular run. J. Jonah Jameson was a great choice for narrating this story, but the narration doesn't have the weight it should have. Hulk meets Spider-Man, they fight, and Hulk shows a human side. You can find a thousand Hulk stories out there like this. Why was this one so special? Because Spider-Man was there? Because a busload of kids got saved? Come on. Ultimate Spider-Man can do better than this. Maybe it will in the future, but for now these last few issues of volume one have done nothing to add to the great stories that came before it.

X-Force #17
This beginning of this issue disappointed me some. Messiah War was more dud than stud, and here we get transported back to the climax of the previous arc t wrap things up there. It was a bit confusing for me to remember what had happened a few months prior to this and why I should care. The Leper Queen climax wasn't even a climax... it just kind of ended.To quote the actual book, "boom." I'm not terribly impressed with that particular framing device, but I'll live. At least I hope I do. Things get messy quick for the team when they get back. The pace of the book is frantic and that works well within the scope of what is going on at the UN and on the streets. Any hope of this team being kept a little secret has to be vanishing fast if the pages of this issue are any proof. By the end of the issue, this title was back into my good graces with its action and frenetic pacing.


X-Men Legacy #226
This issue marks the beginning of a new era for X-men Legacy. Rogue's team barely has a chance to breathe before being thrust into the actions of the Utopia crossover. Though the issue wasn't a bad read, it seemed like Rogue, Danger, and Gambit spent the entire issues putting out little fires instead of actually focusing on the main blaze. Like Elvis, Jesus, and Santa Claus, they were just everywhere. It was like Mike Carey got ADD during the writing of this crossover. There is a lot going on around town, I'm sure, but a more focused approach could help flesh out this book. And this book has been very focused in the past year.

Uncanny X-Men #513
I'm not going to mince words here; I think Fraction got moved to the big leagues a bit too quickly with Uncanny X-Men. I know I've mentioned it before, but Uncanny X-Men should scream UNCANNY EFFIN' X-MEN! This does not scream that. This barely whimpers it. This issue finds the uncanny X-Men wacthing the action... on television. What? This is UNCANNY EFFIN' X-MEN! Where's the larger than life action? Instead, we get a lot of scenes with mutants we don't give a rat's ass about. Adam X? What rock did they find that loser under? Trust me, we x-fans don't give a shit about Adam X. I know I was kind of hoping his ass would get handed to him by someone big like Ares. Maybe his head will get smashed in or ripped in half. I don't know, but it would be cool. Let's work on that, guys.


I'll be back in a few days with the final article on my summer reading habits. I'll be reviewing the most recent issues of Fables, Savage Dragon, Batman & Robin, Detective Comics, the various Star Wars titles, and Conan. Until then...

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Panelology

by Brandon

Welcome to the latest edition of Panelology. I've been neglecting this column for a few weeks now, but it should be back into quasi-regular rotation now. What's been happening in the world of comic collecting? Besides the fact comic books are now officially too damn expensive, not much. Many companies seem to be pulling their punches in order to reveal some "big" items for the San Diego Comic Convention going on right now. Marvel are promising something big at today's convention. Who knows what it could be? It may even live up to the hype too. Maybe. But that's for another time and another column. This week, I stay focused on $3.99 comics, bid farewell to Ultimatum, discuss changes in Frank Castle land, and I report on my continuing education into DC Comics.

Singing the $3.99 Blues
Paying $3.99 a pop for your fix of whatever title getting you down too? I'm starting to feel it despite Mail order Comics having a great discount on books. The oft-grumbled about hottest trend in comics looks like it is here to stay for the long run. I've got to start seriously looking at my pull list for some fat to cut. The Ultimate Books are going to have to prove themselves to me once again after this dreadful Ultimatum business (more on that below). Uncanny X-men is wavering quite a bit these days with Matt Fraction's decent, but not over-the-top writing on that title. The same goes for Fraction's Invincible Iron Man; just how long can this "Most Wanted" story drag on?

One title I know that isn't going to make it is Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. I am confident that this book is a goner from my monthly reading list without having read the first issue. How do I know this? This book from Boom is a good idea. What's not to like about bringing Philip K. Dick, arguably one of the best science fiction writers of his time, and his stories to the comic book medium? It's a natural fit. However, directly adapting the book word for word is not a good idea. I liked the concept at first, but at $3.99 an issue on the newsstand, I found that is isn't worth it. I pay $2.99 an issue through Mail Order Comics. That's still $71.76 for the entire twenty-four issue run. That's a ridiculous amount of money for a straight up adaptation of a book I bought in 1996 for five bucks.

Ultimatum: The End... and thank God!
Last week, Marvel released an ominous image promoting "The End" for the Ultimate Line. The date for the image was 7/29/09, the same day the final issue of Ultimatum hits the stands. The image set off speculation that someone would be meeting their doom. Fan consensus is centering on Wolverine right now, though others believe Magneto might be another plausible candidate. After all, Magneto has become quite a bit of a bastard since the storyline of Ultimates 3 involved knocking off his daughter Scarlet Witch. Some fans have even speculated that this could be the Ultimate version of M-Day since no Ultimate X-title has been announced since the revamping of the Ultimate Line. Having a title like "The End" does tend to send people into a bit of speculative tizzy.

Big whoop, right? It's not as if Ultimatum hasn't had its fair share of gruesome deaths. Who cares if they are going to kill anyone at this point? Anyone who cares what is happening in the Ultimatum books right now should pretty much leave their fanboy or fangirl I.D. card on their way out the door. The way characters have been treated and killed off in this series has been borderline insulting to fans who have kept up with the Ultimate Universe over the last nine years. I don't mind retooling the line. That is Marvel's prerogative. However, it needs to be done in a way that makes sense and doesn't slap fans in the face. I think fans of the Ultimate Universe need someone to blame for this poor storytelling choice. For some reason, Brian Michael Bendis and Mark Millar, founding fathers and creative heavyweights of the line, have somehow remained blameless in all of this.

Instead, the blame has fallen to Jeph Loeb. I hate to put all the blame on Jeph Loeb. This was a team effort, but he works so well as a lightening rod right now. Any fan wishing to cruise through any comic book message board can find anti-Loeb threads aplenty. I don't like or dislike Loeb. As a creator, his work often doesn't raise a blip on my radar screen neither in a good or bad way. He and I just don't cross paths often in my comic buying patterns. But let's face it, Ultimatum has been a stinker of a story from day one. He could have chosen an infinite number of ways to deal with retooling the line. The fact that he felt the need to wipe out half of the characters was wrongheaded. But that's what we Ultimate fans are stuck with; useless carnage and ineffective storytelling. The end can't come soon enough. I hope the new beginning finds the Ultimate Universe far removed from the business of Ultimatum.

Punisher Changes
Marvel also seem to be in the business of shaking things up for Punisher both in the Marvel and Max Universes. Punisher Max, or Frank Castle: Punisher, or whatever it's being called these days is about to be rebooted as PunisherMax. That's right, PunisherMax. No space between those words is necessary because, you know, that's cool. Despite the exceeding lame title, the creative teams looks kick ass. Jason Aaron will be lending his writing talents to the rebooted title, while Punisher-fan-favorite Steve Dillon will be handling art duties. I couldn't think of a better creative than this for the Max title. I have actually really enjoyed the rotation of writers the Max title has seen since Garth Ennis left, but I think the title needs a bit of stability in terms of direction. A stable creative team will go a long way in bringing back some of the fans who may have given up on ol'Frank when Ennis left. Plus, Aaron intends on introducing the Max versions of Kingpin and Bullseye, which sounds great. This could revitalize the Max title.

Over in the Marvel Universe, Rick Remender's Punisher title also appears to be going through some changes. In a press release Tuesday, Marvel revealed that "Rest in Pieces", or "R.I.P." for short (get it?), will be the next story arc in the ongoing Punisher series. Not familiar with it? Oh, you know the series I'm talking about. The one where Punisher has been relegated to taking on/out D-List villains no one cares about? Anyway, the "Rest in Pieces" promises to have Punisher put through the ringer by promising to change his life FOREVER!!! I know, I know. Marvel Comics aren't know for their advertising hyperbole. But there it is. You can check out a Marvel Q&A session with Rick Remender here. This sort of thing just smacks of the 1990s angel/demon storyline. And things were going so well for Punisher lately. Before becoming the D-Lister paradise, Remender started the series off strong. Like many titles in the Marvel Universe now, it has gotten too bogged down in this Dark Reign business to really be effective.

DC Education Update
My education in DC Comics is still ongoing. In terms of my buying habits, I'm still relying on the back issue bins for much of my re-education. Recently, complete runs of Captain Atom, Vigilante, Booster Gold, and Blue Beetle have found homes in my welcoming long boxes. I've found most issues of those comics for less than buck each, which is killer. I can get a stack of old school books at least four or five times higher than my modern books for the same price. Not only are they cheap, but they are providing some good reading time too. If you can't tell, I'm digging 1980s DC. These comics aren't mind blowing or anything, but they are a lot of fun. Next on my 1980s DC reading list will be Marv Wolfman's Teen Titans from the same era.

Just because I've been trolling the back issue bins for DC bargains does not mean that I have ignored modern DC. I've been checking out the Batman reboots and have enjoyed them thus far. Batman, Detective Comics, and Batman & Robin have all entered my buying habits for the near the future. I haven't added them to my pull list, but if I can find them on the newsstand at Books-a-Million I'll pick the issues up. Booster Gold is still a lot of fun even if the premise is wearing a bit thin. I'm avoiding the Blackest Night titles, but positive buzz may pull me into buying a trade down the road.

Help a fanboy out, though. Any other DC recommendations I should check into while I'm in the mood?



The end for now!
That's it! I should be back later this weekend with more reviews in my continuing Summer Reading series. Panelology will be back next week with a review of all the big time news out of San Diego.

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Summer Reading, pt. 3

by Brandon

Nostalgia is a funny creature. While I can muster no nostalgia as an adult for childhood favorites like G.I. Joe or Transformers, I can get very nostalgic about comic books. Remember new comic book day? This weekly event was a cherished day for me when I was tween and teenager. I can remember going into a shop on Wednesday or Thursday to buy the latest issue of X-Men or whatever bad girl book was "hot" back in the day. New comic book day was once a time honored tradition for me and many fans. With the advent of online mail order comic book stores, that time has passed. Now new comic book day has been replaced by new comic book week; the week when my monthly shipment of comic books arrive. I usually try to pace out my comic book reading to keep the freshly read feeling alive for a month. This month was different. For some reason, I burned through my stack of books like a man possessed. For this week's installment of my Summer Reading Reviews, I will highlight some of the best hits and worst misses from the batch.

Batman & Robin #1
This issue reminded me so much of this creative team's run on All-Star Superman. I'm not a Superman fan at all, but they managed to make Superman seem relevant and hip. That's right, they made the whitest boy scout this side of Idaho seem cool. I kind of got that buzz with Batman & Robin #1. The new dynamic between the new Dynamic Duo was actually pretty good. I don't read Batman titles regularly, but let's face it; replacing Bruce Wayne is sort of a dumb idea that almost everyone knows won't last longer than a couple of years. But reading this issue made me kind of wish DC would hold back on pulling that trigger for a while. The way Dick and Damian play off one another was fresh and new. This was the only issue of the Batman relaunch titles I pre-ordered. Based on the strength of this one issue, I decided to go pick up two others off the newsstand.

Detective Comics # 854
What's this? A lesbian Batwoman! Yes! YES! I can't wait to read all the steamy scenes of Batwoman and her Rogue's Gallery (a euphemism, for sure) doing the wildest, most outrageous sexual position on each other. This is going to be awesome! What? You mean she doesn't spend the whole issue getting Catwoman to do kinky things with her cape? Shit. Well, I guess I'll have to read it now... And it wasn't that bad! A lot has been made of the act that Batwoman is a lesbian, and on a serious note, that's not the reason I picked up this book either. Some very positive things have been said about Rucka's first salvo in the revamped Detective Comics. This was the only comic I picked up off the newsstand last week. It wasn't a bad impulse buy. Rucka is always an engaging writer, but the thing that really brew me in (pun intended) was the art. J.H. Williams has been one of my favorite artists since I picked the first four issues of Promethea years ago on a new comic book day. I think he is the best artist working in comic books today. Period. The artwork here in Detective Comics is lush and moody, establishing the perfect vibe for this book. I don't think I ever really followed Detective Comics regularly, but I may add this to the ye ol' pull list.

Batman #688
Judd Winick is one of those creators that I just don't really get. His work on Green Arrow was a turn off for me. Internet trolls are quick to point out that he is somewhat of a one trick pony, and I hate to agree with them, but there are certain trends that crop up in many of Judd Winick's comics. How long before we find out Damian has AIDS? The real thing that brought me into this impulse buy was Mark Bagley's always wonderful artwork. This issue was sort of pedestrian in comparison to Batman & Robin and Detective Comics. That's not to say it was bad. This issue was entertaining, but a little on the lighter side next to the other two titles I sampled. I like the fact that we get to see two classic villains here with Penguin and Two-Face. As much as I dislike month in, month out superhero fisticuffs, I have a soft spot for Batman's rogues gallery. I like reading stories about those classic villains despite the fact that it's all nearly been done before. I also enjoyed the training scene we see between Dick and Damian. There is limitless potential for this new Dynamic duo. I can honestly say that for the first time in a long time, I am genuinely excited about the Bat Books. Maybe killing Bruce Wayne off wasn't such a bad idea.

Booster Gold #22
This issue of Booster Gold was okay for the most part. While Jurgens' art was decent, I have no real connection with the Teen Titans or Deathstroke from the 1980s. This issue spent a lot of time pulling on the nostalgia string pretty hard, but it doesn't work when there is nothing there to pull. I spent most of the issue struggling to get to the next scene. As a reader, I hope that there will be some closure soon to this time traveling Black Beetle business. Surely DC can't expect this series to soldier on for all perpetuity having Booster Gold correct little missives in the past. Right? The second feature with Blue Beetle was still very entertaining and has enticed me to go back and check out the last series. The second feature makes paying $3.99 more bearable and it gives characters like Blue Beetle a second chance at living on in the printed world.

Unwritten #2
The Unwritten is the best Vertigo book being published now. I know it doesn't have stiff competition, but two-issues into he series, I can already tell that this will be classic Vertigo. If you are not familiar with the premise, Tom Taylor is the basis for a fictional Boy Wizard Tommy Taylor. Tom has been living off the fumes of his now missing father's successful Tommy Taylor novels for years. Things start to go awry when Tom finds out he may not be who he thinks he is. This book is chock full of mystery and stellar characters. Tom Taylor practically jumped into this series as a fully developed character from the first page because of the associations we all have with Harry Potter and the ever familiar struggling celebrity. If you're not reading this book, shame on you!


Astonishing X-Men #30
After reading their first Astonishing X-Men arc, I would like to respectfully request that Warren Ellis and Simon Bianchi step up their game. If this were a class, this arc was a D- effort at best. After the six issues of this arc and overpriced two-issue miniseries, I still don't understand what a Ghost Box is and nor do I care. It was sad to see Forge turned into a crazed mutant terrorist for the sake of this story. I don't mind the characterization because Forge has always needed a little more flare in order to remove the stench of lame from him. I had such great expectations for this stellar creative team, but they barely managed to make a sputter in terms of impact and seemingly effort. I'm sorry guys. Let's do better next time, okay?

Punisher: Naked Kill
This book was just brutal. When Frank Castle starts to unwind a snuff pornography film ring, readers just have to know that it is bound to get dirty. I remember an older issue of Punisher from the late 1980s or early 1990s where Frank ended up taking down a pornography ring at a Naval boys school. The whitewash of the Comic Code at the time prevented anything realistic coming out of that story. That just isn't the case here. What is described and shown is just brutal. Frank castle isn't much of a talker, but this particular one-shot gives him a lot of air time. This approach doesn't really work well for the Punisher, but it just clicks here. Suspense and supernatural story writer Jonathan Maberry really gets into a groove with Frank here right off the bat. At the very beginning of the issue, someone asks Frank to trade with him in return for his life. "I look like I'm here to swap Pokemon cards?" quips Frank as he fires off a round just above the crook's head. "Talk Fast, asshole. Clock's ticking." Indeed. For those folks who gave up on Frank when Garth Ennis left the title, I recommend you come back to give this issue a try. It's well worth the $3.99 price of admission.


Ultimate Spider-Man #133
& Ultimatum #4
I have made no bones about how awful I think Ultimatum has been for the Ultimate Marvel line. These two issues could be exhibits 1,843 and 1,844 in the trial against Ultimatum. The final issue of Ultimate Spider-Man was disappointing. This issue lacked any dialogue. It was completely silent. Remember the Nuff Said event from years ago? Interesting, but lame. It was jarring, which I get was kind of the point, but for $3.99, I want more from my comic. The interview with Brian Michael Bendis at the end of the book was obviously tacked on to make you feel like you got more content for your dollar. I don't need that. I need content. With the main Ultimatum mini, I get plenty of content, but much of it is for shock value. I can't imagine how Loeb has gotten away with raping the Ultimate Universe. Loeb is normally a creator that I don't get excited about either pro or con. However, Ultimatum is just rancid. I don't see how the Ultimate line can bounce back from this miscarriage of entertainment.


Conan the Cimmerian #'s 10-11
I just don't hear about many comic book fans talking about Conan anymore, which is a shame. I think Conan is one of the best titles I'm reading now. Tim Truman and Tomás Giorello have crafted a fine book for the traveling warrior Conan. The mixture of descriptive writing and lush artwork is just mesmerizing to me. This is one of the first books I read when I get my monthly stash. This second arc of Conan the Cimmerian finds our hero commanding the armies of Khoraja against the wizardry of Natohk, the Veiled One. Though "Black Colossus" is an adaptation of the classic Robert E. Howard short that has been adapted before for the Savage Sword of Conan in 1974, Truman and Giorello manage to make it exciting by creating an ominous atmosphere in both words and art. Dark Horse has done a magnificent job with Conan property, once again making the barbarian warrior a relevant and exciting character to read.



It's hard for me to believe that my summer break is halfway over! That doesn't mean I will stop reading, though. I will be back in a couple of days with more reviews, including Iron Man, Star Wars, Punisher, The End League, and much, much more.

See you then!
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Summer Reading, pt. 2

by Brandon
Summer marches on into July... and so does my summer reading! I could say something cheesy like I tried to "cool of with these hot reads", but I would be lying to you. It's been fairly moderate in South Carolina for late June and early July; not too hot or humid. My reading has followed the same trend; nothing much has really grabbed me lately. Many of the comics I've read the last couple of weeks have been decent, but not great. This week, I cover Uncanny X-Men, X-Men: Legacy, X-Force, Booster Gold, and many other titles. Won't you spare a mouse-click for the poor?



Wizard #213
One of the first stories Rich Johnston's new Bleeding Cool website reported on was about the latest batch of problems for Wizard. The once mighty company has apparently seen better days. Johnston ended his article by asking, "When was the last time you read Wizard?" As I often find myself doing, I answered the question that was staring back at me from my computer screen. When no one replied, I decided I might just have to check out an issue. I haven't read an issue of Wizard since I finished my B.A., which was in 2002. Wizard always seemed to be infantile, bordering on gonzo journalism and idiocy, with liberal sprinkling of fart jokes and drawings of big breasted women. That wasn't the only reason I avoided Wizard; who needs Wizard in an age where tons of comic book news websites, creator social networking pages, daily online press releases from publishers, and comic book fan message boards beat Wizard to the punch at nearly every turn. How does a comic magazine stay relevant? I think it's an uphill battle being fought by all print media, but Wizard has always been a niche magazine. I found an issue of Wizard at a newsstand the other day and checked it out. To their credit, this issue is far different and far better than the Wizard I read in middle or high school. Gone were the talking figures and rampant fart jokes (though, trust me, there were fart jokes). Wizard has taken more of a "features" approach which works really well within its framework. By focusing on interviews with creators and expanding their coverage to include entertainment pop culture has given Wizard a bit of a jolt for the future. I even checked out the current subscription rates for Wizard (around $29 a year), which in terms of content I guess is comparable to The Comics Journal (around $35) or Comic Buyer's Guide (around $25). Have you read Wizard lately? It might not be a bad idea to check it out.

Uncanny X-Men #'s 508-510
Matt Fraction's time on Uncanny X-Men has been pretty lackluster reading for me. Sure, it's got snappy dialogue and the art is sharp (insert Greg Land copying joke here), but it just doesn't scream "THIS IS UNCANNY FREAKIN' X-MEN" like it should. It just doesn't seem to be as grandiose as the stories from the past were. I think a large part of it has to do with the move to San Fransisco. This move hasn't given the geographic payoff I thought it would since it seems to be fairly unimportant to pretty much every other x-book besides Uncanny, which seems to use it as "Gee, we're in San Fransisco now. Isn't that, like, so totally, like, tubular or what?" The villains plaguing the X-Men here, the aptly named Sisterhood, also leave much to be desired. They predictably have become the View of the Marvel Universe, bickering amongst themselves and occasionally dragging in something quasi-interesting. And guess what? They invaded the new X-Mansion/compound. Haven't read that before, have we? This book is dangerously close to getting dropped, especially since Legacy and X-Force are running circles around it on a month-to-month basis.

X-Men Legacy #'s 223-224
It's sad to see Charles Xavier's romp around the X-Men universe past and present coming to an end. Mike Carey has managed to craft an excellent book out of a seemingly uninteresting topic. He has also managed to take Rogue and Gambit, two characters who were in desperate need of finding relevance, and put them back in the X-books without it seeming lame or forced. These two characters have been so easily made into caricatures by a multitude of past creators that they had become pretty much useless to anyone writing X-Men comics. It just didn't seem like anyone knew how to treat these characters. Mike Carey does a good job of using Danger as well, a recent character that was already becoming a one hit wonder with her "Kill the X-Men" shtick. I hope Professor X stays around for a while now in this book along with the other revitalized characters.

X-Force: Ain't No Dog
Bloody? Check. Violent? Check. Over the top? Check. Great? Double check. I picked this up for a buck on Free Comic Book day, but hadn't gotten around to reading it until this past weekend. The two main stories here involving Wolverine and Warpath were short and sweet, but packed a punch. This special reminded me a lot of Marvel Knight's Double Shot book from a few years ago. The Wolverine story especially reminded me of the Ennis/Quesada Punisher story from the first issue of Double Shot, where Punisher taunts a victim while visiting a dentist. While there were no dental hygienists in sight of this book, the dark atmosphere established was matchless. A book like X-Force seems to fit Marvel's Dark Reign era perfectly. The gore and violence of this issue just makes the anticipation even stronger for when the rest of the X-Men find out what Cyclops has been sanctioning behind their backs while they chill in San Fransisco.

Squadron Supreme #'s 10-11
I am a Howard Chaykin apologist and fan, but I can't help thinking that Chaykin, and to a larger extent Marvel, missed a golden opportunity with this title. J. Michael Straczynski really left this property in the lurch by exiting the book. Chaykin was left to pick up the pieces from that book and the iffy Ultimate Power crossover. He seemed to be the man for the job too... that is until he spent the first six issues of the reboot tooling around with new characters. I'm all for bringing in new characters, but these guys were just dull, dull, dull, and dull. The last few issues have been very exciting, as the old Squadron returns from a five-year hiatus. Hyperions story, which has been percolating since the JMS run, finally came to fruition. It's damn interesting reading, but it's too bad the book has already been canned. Chaykin and Marvel had something here and they blew it! I'm sure issues 12 is already out now, thus closing the book on the Supreme Power universe for the foreseeable future. I hope this isn't goodbye to these characters, but I fear it will be for at least a couple of years.

Booster Gold #'s 15-21
I commented to someone a few weeks ago that if comic books were ice cream flavors that Dan Jurgens would be vanilla. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean this as a personal insult to the guy. Vanilla is good. It's in a lot of flavors. It's a good, solid background flavor that's dependable and has its uses. But man cannot live on vanilla flavored ice cream. Dan has always been a respectable, if not solid comic book creator, but he's never going to be regarded as well as say Alan Moore, Warren Ellis, or even someone like Mark Millar. Compared to these guys, he's just not going to write the legendary comic book people are going to look back on and say, "Gee, that was great. Just brilliant!" Case in point is Dan Jurgens' Booster Gold. The earlier issues from Geoff Johns were entertaining and fun. Jurgens created Booster Gold, so this should bode well for the character in a way. Yet the title lacks something now. The art is fine, the story serviceable, but it's just vanilla. Even making matters worse was issue #20, a standalone issue written by longtime JLI writer Keith Giffen. This one-issue story featuring the old Suicide Squad, Task Force X, beat the previous five issues by a mile. It managed to make the ingredients work. I love the Booster Gold character and can only hope that the book plugs along and gets better without causing too many time travel induced headaches. The Blue Beetle back-up feature in issue #21 was also a treat. I'm not familiar with this new Blue Beetle, but it wasn't bad.

The Brave and the Bold #23
I picked this up on a whim because it featured Blue Beetle. It also featured Magog, the Modern Age hero/villain of the Kingdom Come miniseries. For the record, Magog has to be the dumbest name ever for a comic book character. Even at DC and Marvel's cheesiest moments, no one ever came up with a name a stupid as Magog. The smart ass reader might say "Booster Gold is pretty dumb too." To that I have to say... okay, you may be right. This story features the lunk-headed Magog trying to solve a hostage situation in an Iraq style country. Enter Booster to save the day and shame Magog for not staying on task to save the helpless children hostages. This is was written and drawn by the same team that brings you the regular Booster Gold book, which is why the book's sympathies lie with Booster Gold. But how about making Magog out to be even a halfway decent character? Magog is treated like one big flexed muscle tearing his way through the universe. I'm supposed to care about this idiot enough to shell out money for a monthly comic book? I saw on Newsarama a while back that Magog has a new series coming out soon from DC. I hate to judge a book before it ever sees the light of day, but the Magog book has "cancellation by issue 12" written all over it.

The Unwritten #1
After Y the Last Man ended, Fables was the only Vertigo book that still managed to grab my attention, but they are currently going through a crossover events with the Literates and Jack of Fables, which I still think is the shittiest comic book I have ever read. I also tried Young Losers, which was way too scattered for me to keep up with. When Unwritten was announced, I hoped that it might draw back in since the creative team of Mike Carey and Peter Gross also produced Lucifer, one of the woefully underrated Vertigo titles. Plus, the $1 price point was very attractive. The verdict on The Unwritten? Not bad. Not bad at all. I like the idea of following the adventures of a guy who is famous for being the basis of a fictional boy wizard to be fascinating. I'm not a fan of Harry Potter, but the concept of fame and fiction crashing together is a fertile one. Carey has some big ideas to play with in the coming months and this series has the potential to be great. I'll be around at least for the first story.

The X-Files #6
This series started out very well. I think this is one of those properties that could excel as a comic book, but I'm not sure if this title sold that well. Probably not. The sixth issue wasn't very engaging, primarily due to the plot device of having Mulder "record" his voice for Scully. The only problem with that is the fact that it was very Claremont/Byrne in his description, meaning that a panel would show a dark cave while Mulder was saying, "I'm looking at a dark cave." It's just not effective storytelling for a comic book. I think DC and Wildstorm could have done a better job building this series up and promoting it. Like Squadron Supreme, I hope this isn't the last we will see of the X-Files in comic book form. The concept is just to fertile to let go of in such a faltering way.
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Summer Reading, pt. 1

by Brandon

Summer. This is the comic book fan's season for catching up and enjoying a good, geeky book while one should be outside instead. Jenn remarked last week while on our honeymoon, "How did comic books end up coming on our honeymoon?" Well, the answer really does boggle the mind; I packed them in a backpack and brought them with us. I made full use of the quiet setting of Sound off Kitty Hawk, North Carolina to catch up on some reading. Some of the titles are old, some are new, but they all get a little review from me here.

Grendel War Child #'s 1-10
Though this book takes place chronologically far beyond what I've read to thus far in the Grendel series (chapters 41-50, whereas I just entered the teens in my regular Grendel reading), I decided to give this miniseries a go since I picked it up for a buck a couple of weeks ago. It turned out to be a fairly accessible read, but not just in terms of Wagner's writing, but also the helpful recap pages at the front of the book and two-page review pages in the back of each issue which successfully and succinctly explained the entire history of the printed Grendel up to that point. Grendel Prime, the protagonist of this story, turned out to be a very effective Grendel. What he lacked in Hunter Rose's flamboyance, he made up for in true grit. This was a great miniseries and highly recommended, especially if you can find it on the cheap like I did.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars #6
No real trip would be complete without having read something in the Star Wars realm. Unfortunately, this last issue in the first Clone Wars arc was very disappointing. While the story of stopping intergalactic slavery would be interesting in, say, the 1860s, it just seemed a bit odd for a focus here. I realize Anakin was a slave, but the story's heavy "gee, this is soooooooo wrong" tilt from the beginning was a nonstarter. Of course slavery is wrong. Do we need six issues of action packed preaching to deliver that point home? This first arc was in no way as engaging as the first season of the television show. Maybe it will pick up soon, but if the second arc doesn't grab me, this book will be on the chopping block.

Justice League America #'s 46-50 (Glory Bound)& Annual #4 (JL Antarctica)
I'm almost finished with my rereading of the classic JLI from Giffen and DeMatteis. I have thoroughly enjoyed every issue and arc of JLI up until the Glory Bound arc found in issues 46-50. The first issue involving Guy Gardner going to a comic book convention was good, but the rest of the story fell flat. Much of the fun about the arc I suppose was to be derived from poking fun at the Captain America pastiche General Glory. The only catch was that... it just wasn't funny. Annual #4, however, was an excellent issue of the series that introduced the Antarctica branch of the JLI. The ineffective Injustice League and Gnort get assigned to patrol Antarctica and protect it from flesh-eating penguins. It was zany fun despite the fact that Gnort was featured so heavily. My only complaint really about this latter era of JLI is the fact that Booster Gold was MIA. He and Blue Beetle really made this title great. Despite my small grievances, this title really has rejuvenated my interest in the comic book medium. The JLI books have been fun to read. I feel old saying this, but they just don't make them like that anymore.

Justice League Europe #'s 23-28 & Annual #2
Of the various JLI books, JLE was the one I was most wary about reading, but it has in fact been one of the most enjoyable. The mix of action and Bwah-ha-ha is perfect in this title. Plus, it features some of the more consistently interesting JLI members; Captain Atom, Flash, Elongated Man, Power Girl and her cat, Rocket Red, and Metamorpho. Whereas the JLA title seemed to spend more time goofing around the embassy, JLE seemed to get out more and, you know, handle bad guys. Whether it was fighting huge works controlled by a league of captains of industry (issues 23-25) or fighting off Starro yet again (issues 26-28), this particular incarnation of the league was always fun and effective in their own little way. Any story that can make Starro seem not lame is a good story. Along with the above JLA issues, these issues can be found for ridiculously cheap prices, most likely less than a buck an issue. They are well worth your time to seek out.

Hero Squared #'s 1-3 & Special #1
Speaking of J.M. DeMatteis and Keith Giffen, someone recommended Hero Squared to me a while back. I bought the original miniseries and X-tra Sized special to try it out. While it was funny in many parts, I just don't see how this story could be sustained over a long period of time. It seems pretty finite to me. I'm glad to see that there are only nine issues after these initial four remaining because I just don't see the concept really stretching too far. It was a fun read, but if someone were inclined to want to check this creative team out, they would be much better served by seeking out the JLI titles.



Ultimate Hulk vs. Wolverine #6
Wow... that was a letdown. We waited for that? Seriously? While the Nick Fury part at the end was solid, the rest was lackluster, and that's being kind. A Wolverine and Hulk miniseries should be cool. It should be grandiose and over the top. This miniseries started off with a bang, but ended on a barely audible thud.






Ultimate Spider-Man #132
Did you read the above review? Kinda sucky. Well, that's pretty much my opinion of this issue too. It's been no secret that I think Ultimatum has been dreadful, but this is just crap. Ultimate Spider-Man was one of the best titles Marvel had going. It wasn't groundbreaking, but it was always consistent. Now that it has been mucked up by all this Ultimatum junk, it has become almost unreadable. Thanks, Marvel.


The Invincible Iron Man #13
Hmmm. Interesting. I have never read a regular, monthly Iron Man comic in my life, but something compelled me to pick this title up last summer and I've been enjoying it ever since. While I think this "Most Wanted" story arc has been going on for too long, I think Fraction is slowly building up to a boiling point that will be amazing. The inevitable confrontation with Norman Osborn should be the most exciting comic Marvel produces in this whole Dark Reign business, but that's up to how well Fraction and the other frame it. If you look at Invincible Iron Man, it looks like it will be explosive. Kudos on both the writing and art here. This is by far one of the best titles Marvel is producing now.

Daredevil #118
I believe it was King George the Third who wrote in his diary on July 4, 1776 that "nothing much happened today." The same could be said for this issue. Is it just me, or has Daredevil become to whiny lately? It just kind of drones on and on and on. We get to see Daredevil brood for much of the issue, which is highly original. For those who are a poor judge of sarcasm, that was definitely sarcasm. I want to read Daredevil stories that are exciting crime dramas, not emo-like pity sessions where Matt muses about how shitty his life has become. Get over it. That Daredevil story has been written at least eighty times. Let's move on, shall we?

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