6.10.2008

Breaking News! The Hulk Kills!

by the General

One of the most hotly debated topics around the Bad Genious campfire is "Does the Hulk kill?" Some maintain that he is a savage brute with little to no regard for human life as he ravages his way across the American Southwest. Others claim that--deep down--he is actually a noble spirit. And that while his battles with the Abomination may keep Damage Control busy, at the end of the day he strives to avoid killing innocents or even the villains with whom he exchanges blows.

Well, dear readers, after doing some research on the matter, I would like to present a piece of evidence that I feel will finally bring an end to this debate. I now present to you Hulk's epic battle against...

the Roller Disco Devils!! (Click to enlarge)


Now, look carefully at panels number four and five. Just look!


Unless you can find evidence that the Roller Disco Devils possess a level of invulnerability that I am unaware of (I challenge you!), I think that we can all maintain that the act of being rolled up in a strip of asphalt and then sat upon by the Hulk is enough to kill the average man. Even if the majority of them have somehow survived, I think that it's obvious that the Devil with the yellow pirate shirt is easily having his spine broken a dozen times over.

So yes, the Hulk does kill. He kills to keep the streets safe. He kills because he hates disco. And, most importantly, he kills so that the children can get all the fruit pies they want.

And now, in memory of the deceased Roller Disco Devils, I will sing their favorite song:

Yeah, yeah!
Baby!
Wo, wo!
Rock! Roll!
Yeah, yeah!

RIP.

And now, on to the next debate: "Does the Hulk want to eat humans like they are Hostess Fruit Pies?"

Discuss!

9 comments:

Vocal Minority said...

And yet, curiously little blood coming out of the people crushed.

Are they even people? Perhaps they're robots.

Rory said...

Or, maybe the street is made of rubber foam.

The General said...

Mr. Minority, they are obviously not robots, because robots would barf up springs and gears if crushed by asphalt. This is common knowledge.

Rory, your theory may have merit. It would explain the bouncing child in the second to last panel. Perhaps my assessment was hasty.

Jon Quixote said...

The hostess fruit pies comics take place in an alternate realty.

The General said...

If this is the case, then I look forward to the Exiles visit to Hostess Fruit Pie Universe!

Betsy said...

I would totally buy an Exiles in Hostess Fruit Pie universe comic.

Steve Wasser said...

Hopefully they can get Chuck Austen back for the Exiles in Hostess Fruit Pie Universe one-shot. In addition to unlimited fruit pies, the kids would get lucky!

The General said...

Actually, they'll just have Chris Claremont do the Exiles issues. Just imagine the fruit pie-bondage scenarios.

Jon Quixote said...

I like to think that Chuck Austen's entire UNCANNY run took place in the Hostess universe.