Panelology

by Brandon
This week, I rant and rave about a certain new Marvel exclusive creator. DC's also has a new outreach initiative with Sunday Comics on Wednesday. Sounds cool. Maybe. I also discuss further my own DC rehabilitation struggles, the Obama craze, and that pesky little superhero movie that has been pretty much ignored by those outside of the comic book community. Should I call them Don't-Watchmen? Muggles? Non-comic buying public? Mainstream America? Or should I just say normal people?

All that and more just by wasting five precious minutes of your reading time.

Exclusively Sucky
This past week's announcement at the Emerald City Comic Con that Rick Remender is now a Marvel exclusive creator is both welcome and unwelcome for this fan. Don't get me wrong, as a Punisher fan, I'm actually really enjoying his run on Punisher thus far. In fact, I think he's doing a much better job thus far on the title than Matt Fraction did. I completely understand his reasoning behind going exclusive. Job security is at a premium now here in the United States, and of course, what creator didn't dream of growing up and working for one of the big two? But what a crappy position to put fans in? Instead of placing a satisfying ending or handing off the books to other creators (which isn't really satisfying at all), it appears that Remender's creator-owned properties like Fear Agent and End League will go on a decidedly unsatisfying hiatus. Despite being quite nebulous, these hiatuses can't be good for these books or for Dark Horse. Fear gent has been buzzy-worthy for a while now and End League has been awesome despite some of those "nasty" shipping delays we fans enjoy bemoaning. I say all of this in the knowledge that I have no real solution for how to overcome such a situation, but it really does suck for those fans. A brother has got to do what a brother has got to do. Good luck to Remender in his new exclusiveness. Let's hope he gets back to End League and Fear Agent sooner rather than later.

Hump Day Comics
This Wednesday Comics idea from DC sounds like it might be worth a damn. The operative word here is might because the chances of this being an extraordinary flop are pretty high. But you have to give DC some credit for doing something inventive for a change. I know, it's hard to believe that someone just used the company "DC" and word "inventive" in the same sentence, but there it is. DC has been far behind Marvel now for a few years now. I hope this works out for them. I think it could be a neat experiment even if the name Wednesday Comics doesn't exactly inspire one to greatness.


The DC Reeducation Program, Phase 2
I'm still trying to educate myself in DC Comics. I know I like to pile on criticism of these guys, but I do feel as if I missed the boat on some titles. Like a good comic fan, I've been trying to go back and re-read or obtain series from DC's past to better educate myself on the company's past. I've initiated a pretty large task ahead of me. I'm going back and collecting the Giffen/DeMatteis Justice League and John Ostander's Suicide Squad. I'm probably fifteen or so issues into each series and I'm loving each. I was already very familiar with the Justice League series since I already had several of those issues, but Suicide Squad was a new commodity for me. Though I'm not terribly familiar with all of the characters, Suicide Squad has been nothing less than amazing. I also picked up the 1987 Dr. Fate mini, the Wild Dog mini from around the same time, and Jeff Smith's recent Shazam mini. Of the three, I've only gotten around to reading Shazam, but it was a solid miniseries that was easy and fun to read. I would like to read more Jeff Smith's take on the character as he just seemed like a good fit for that character. I'll soldier on through my DC reeducation Program, and as always, I'm open to suggestions. Got any?

Ultimatum Update
Yeah, this whole story still sucks. Really, if it's not broke, don't fix it.

Obama-sized Spectacular Anniversary First-Issue Foil Covered Edition
Has your comic book featured our new commander-in-chief yet? No? Well, what the hell is your problem? Don't you know that having Barack Obama in your comic book is, like, the coolest thing ever. All the cool kids are doing it, so why not you? What kind of douche bag comic company doesn't want to do this? I'll tell you; the company that wants to go bankrupt. I mean, let's face it, this is Barack-effing-Obama we're talking about here. He's practically the coolest thing since sliced bread or Bono. On a more serious note, really, what the hell is going on here? I know comic companies are all just trying to cash in, but is this really necessary? Can't comic companies focus on telling good stories rather than hawking off a sorry attempt at pandering? Outside of his titles dedicated to the man himself, Comic Book Database has Obama listed as appearing in several issues already with many more to come from such titles as Youngblood and Barack the Barbarian. Yeah... I really don't know what to say to all of that. I like the man just as good as the next Democrat, but for the love of all that is holy in our democracy, can we comic fans just agree that this fad is over? It will be like a gentleman's agreement. Nothing needs to be signed or codified into law. Let's just move on, shall we?

Watchmen... Epic Fail?
Curse my lateness! I wasn't able to really participate in Doug's excellent series on the Watchmen film because I saw it almost two-weeks after it had hit theaters. If you missed the series, you should really check the articles out, all five parts of it. I have nothing new or original to add to the affair in terms of reviewing the film suffice to say that I really enjoyed it. But that may be part of the problem. With a box office total of just over $105 million thus far, its pretty easy to classify this movie's take as being in the red given that it cost around $150 million to make and who knows how much to market. Of course, all this is said in the understanding that the DVD revenues will more than likely lift this film into the black. As far as many fans are concerned, the movie did a good job, but I think it's tough to count Watchmen in the "win" column for comic book films. Why? The lack crossover success, that's why. The failure of this film to win over Joe Blow and Susie Whadayaknow off the street is pretty condemning. The Spider-Man, Iron Man, and recent Batman films have been so successful because they have been able to reach across the aisle to those non-fanboys and fangirls. They offered something to them that the comic books never could manage; entertainment. I'm not going to psychoanalyze the general movie viewing public here, but I think the theater numbers say it all. I'm also not saying the general movie public is smart. I think watchmen was a film for those that are smarter than the average bear, for those who can appreciate a rich and textured film without it having to resort to tired cliches. I think history will be kinder to the Watchmen film, but I'm not sure if the general public will ever warm up to the idea of a superhero flick quite like this.

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Panelology - Five Comic Books That Could Be Made Into Movies

by Brandon

Have you seen Watchmen yet? I haven’t had the chance, but I will correct that this afternoon. It sort of feels like the end seeing Watchmen actually make it to theaters. With the release of Watchmen last week, I think comic book fans were left to question what truly remained left to be adapted to film. It seems like every comic character I ever wished for as a child, teen, and the adult has made it to the big screen. Some of these wishes were dreams come true. Such was the case with films like The Dark Knight, the first two X-Men movies, and Spider-Man. Bit for every good comic-to-movie adaptation developed, at least three lacking adaptations were made, with one of them being a truly awful viewing experience. Not to name names, but we all can rattle off the bad adaptations we have seen with much regret and gnashing of fanboy teeth. Has everything been tapped? Have we reached the bottom?

The thing is, comic book companies are not short on ideas or potential, but really, if you look at the stable of stories left, what classics remain? There are several comic books left out there on the roster that could be potentially made into great movies. The big guns have already been picked over, but that isn’t necessiarly the place to find comic books biggest and best stories. They just have the name recognition and that does not translate into quality. Well today, I offer up five comic book properties that have not been made into films yet, but really could be. I’m not saying they should be made into stories, but the potential for all of these properties is there. Here are my top five.

5) Doom Patrol
The concept of Doom Patrol in almost any of its incarnations would be ripe territory for a feature film. If filmmakers went with the original Arnold Drake concept of the team, a nice, concise dynamic would be set up between a small cast of four main characters. Any of the later incarnations would herald in an almost ensemble type cast of characters that might be difficult to control on the screen, although Arcudi’s Doom Patrol was funny. A more interesting movie, and by extension more difficult film to make, would be Grant Morrison’s vision of the team. This trippy version of the Doom Patrol would be difficult to breakthrough to mainstream audiences, but it sure would be fun to watch!

4) Astro City
Kurt Busiek and Brent Anderson’s sweeping series is a modern day comic work of genius. The stories are matchless and affecting, bringing a unique twist to the tired idea of a city populated by a menagerie of superheroes. Though there have been several story arcs in Astro City that would be great to see on the screen, there is one story that comes to mind that would really work; Confession. This story is still one of my favorite comic book stories I have ever had the pleasure of reading. The story revolves around the complexity of the hero/sidekick model that is typically ignored at best and mocked at worst in both comic books and films. The nature of the mentor/mentee relationship between the Confessor and Altar Boy is so well done by the creative team and harkens back to the days in comic book where sidekicks actually matter and served a purpose. With the Battle for the Cowll currently underway at DC, Busiek and team already covered a triumphant succession story without feeling cheap or overwrought. Take notes DC, and Hollywood.


3) Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.
I know, I know; Samuel L. Jackson just signed a 1,563 picture deal with Marvel to play Nick Fury. I hget that. And yes, I know David Hasselhoff portrayed Nick Fury in a made for TV movie. But I think Hollywood really needs to go back and do Nick Fury properly. While the Ultimate Version of Fury is great to read, nothing can ever beat in my mind the old adventures of Nick Fury written by Jim Steranko. Those nineteen issues of Strange Tales and the few issues of Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. were always some of my favorite action and adventure stories. Sure, the premise and dialogue is a bit dated in those issues, but the content and idea behind the stories could easily be lifted on to the screen. They could even keep Samuel L. Jackson in the title role so long as they look back on this character’s finest moment under the pen of Jim Steranko.

2) Grendel
Americans love violence. In fact, we love violence more than we do sex in our movies. Blow someone’s head off and you might get a PG-13 rating. Show a nipple and you can almost assuredly guarantee an R-rating. So, violence is always a safe bet to go with. Matt Wagner’s examination of the nature of violence is so adept and timeless in Grendel that one has to wonder why exactly this hasn’t seen its way to the silver screen yet. The stories that feature the original Grendel Hunter Rose are absolutely begging to be adapted. The stories of the various Grendels that followed Hunter Rose practically scream “franchise.” The only thing going against this character would be name recognition. Grendel isn’t as well known as some of the other comic movie starlets, but come on, any Grendel movie would have to better than, say, Elektra or Fantastic Four.

1) American Flagg!
Howard Chaykin’s classic series from First Comics is an easy and extremely biased number one choice for me. I have extolled the greatness of this title in this column before, but it never hurts to hear it twice. This comic is practically begging for a revival and there would be no better way than for someone to adapt this series into a movie. American Flagg death with themes anyone in today’s modern world could relate to. Idea such as corporate greed, cynical governance, pervasiveness of advertising, and good ol’ fashioned violence would sit well for audiences. Though some might suggest that we have too much of these things going on in our country right now, I think seeing them in the context of a future where America has seen its better days come and gone would be both sobering a satirical without being sardonic or depressing. Chaykin was able to explore these themes without ever being overly pessimistic or self-righteous. Hollywood could do the same.
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Panelology - Poor Frank

by Brandon
As the year comes to a close, most fans start to look back on all the things that made 2008 great for our beloved hobby. Comic books and comic book characters seem to be more in the forefront of popular culture consciousness now, thanks in large part to huge performances from blockbuster films based on comic book properties. In a year where theaters have already been graced with arguably three of the best comic book films thus far (Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and The Dark Knight), The Punisher, the relentless Marvel Comics’ vigilante, returned to theaters for a third round of punishment with Punisher: War Zone. Though the film was heavy on fertile action movie territory like violence, blood, guts, shooting, and brutality, Frank Castle struck out with moviegoers yet again. The Punisher has definitely set out an impressive stake on an unwanted claim as Marvel’s unluckiest movie star. According to Hollywood.com, Punisher: War Zone has thus far only been able to shoot up $7.9 million dollars worth of damage at the box office. Compare that sum to the other Marvel starlets of 2008 and Punisher comes off look pathetically weak. Iron Man was invincible for Marvel, hauling a whopping $318.2 million in theaters, while The Incredible Hulk smashed up $134.5 million. Punisher is a guy who has gone toe to toe with the likes of Wolverine, Batman, and even Dr. Doom in the past. He should be able to make more than $8 million, right?

So what went wrong? What happened with this mighty Marvel movie that did not happen with Hulk or Iron Man? I am a huge Punisher fan and always will be a fan. While I actually did enjoy Punisher: War Zone on a “guilty pleasure” level, I understand how it would not click with a larger audience outside of the Frank Castle faithful. Some things worked, but much of it did not.

Both Iron Man and Incredible Hulk feature some stellar acting on the part of the primary characters. Robert Downy, Jr.’s Tony Stark and Ed Norton’s Bruce Banner were both compelling actors turning in solid portrayals of these larger than life comic characters. The same roughly holds true for Punisher: War Zone. By and large, Ray Stevenson does a bang-up job as Punisher. He was cold, ruthless, and domineering. He nailed the essence of the Punisher by embodying an unfeeling character well. Was it as good a job as what Ed Norton or Robert Downy brought to the screen this past summer? Definitely not, but Ray Stevenson deserves more kudos for doing a great job playing Frank Castle. He walked into a hard position here by walking into a role that has garnered little esteem in the past and managed to do a pretty decent job.

Does Frank Castle need a hug? Punisher: War Zone, just like the previous 2003 film, tried to humanize Punisher too much. In War Zone, we find Frank Castle accidentally killing an undercover agent, causing Punisher to rethink his war on crime. Frank decides to apologize to agent’s widow, leading to some very “touching” scenes between the slain man’s daughter and Frank. That was sarcasm. That type of civilizing just does not work for me, and I do not think it works for the big screen. I do not think the Punisher needs to be humanized. He is a cold, blunt instrument. He shoots criminals. That is as simple and complex as it needs to be. I do not think it is necessary to make Punisher a likable guy. Frank Castle is not a likable guy. At his root, he is basically a crazed murderer. His reason for being is taking out criminals. Period. Viewers do not desire or need to see Frank hand a teddy bear over to a little girl. Tony Stark and Bruce Banner can be humanized. They are moral tales with flawed, yet essentially good-natured heroes, where right triumphs over wrong. Punisher is not that kind of story. The area between right and wrong should be blurry with regards to Frank Castle. He cannot be saved, no matter how many little girls want to hug his neck at the end of the film.

The Punisher is only as good as his villain(s). This is true in both comic books and in film. One of the most compelling aspects of Garth Ennis’ long run on Punisher was his ability to bring in villains that did not seem to be caricatures or farcically deranged men in brightly colored tights. However, Jigsaw just did not cut it in this film. He was laughable at best and completely ignorable at worst. Jigsaw was so blatantly over the top and outrageous that it was hard to even believe you were watching the same movie when he came onscreen. The scenes featuring both Jigsaw and his brother were excruciating to watch. Jigsaw just never fit in with the rhythm of the rest of the film. He was an outlier occupying screen time that could have been better spent. I think I would have rather seen a movie where Punisher killed low level crack addicts for ninety-minutes than to have ever seen Dominic West’s Jigsaw for even a single frame. Dominic West is a solid actor, but this role was just brainless, especially in the face of such great villainy in Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, and especially The Dark Knight. The villain should compliment the hero, not overshadow him with ineffective goofiness.

Will Punisher ever make it as a hit comic-to-film character? Maybe, but he probably will not get another chance for a long time. The Punisher’s star has faded for now, with War Zone effectively killing off the brand for the foreseeable future. It will practically take a miracle to bring Frank Castle back to life on the big screen, but it is not impossible. Many people thought batman and Robin would kill the dynamic duo for years to come, but Batman Begins helped reinvent the franchise and energize excitement in the character of Batman. Could a Punisher Begins be too far down the pike? The possibility, though unlikely, is still there and that is all we Punisher fans have to hold onto for now
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X-Files: The Other X-Title (part 3) - I Want To Believe & Wildstorm Special Reviews

by Brandon

The final installment for X-Week's look at The X-Files arrives in fashion with two (yes, two!) X-Files reviews for the just released I Want To Believe and the recently released X-Files comic book from Wildstorm. The critics have been harsh towards the new film, but did it satisfy this fan?

The X-Files: I Want to Believe (Fox)
If you have been reading what some of the critics have been saying about the second X-Files movie, you might be a bit disheartened. Both Metacritic and Rotten Tomatoes have amassed numerous negative reviews. The local Charlotte Observer summed up their loathing for the new film by starting out their review be asking, "This is it?" I must admit that I am a bit of a whore when it comes to reading reviews of films. Try as I might, I sometimes get a bit discouraged when I read them. The undercurrent to much of the venom was the fact that this film had very little to do with the myth-arc story of aliens. I think that is what people expect from an X-Files story. If this is indeed what you expect, sorry. They sell fine DVD's at your local entertainment warehouse or via this thing called the World Wide Web.

Despite the critical reviews, I was quite surprised with how well the film played out. I think an important thing to look at here is the balance between audience; were Chris Carter and Frank Spotnitz trying to win over converts to the overall concept of The X-Files or was this film aimed at the fans? I think fans will largely be pleased with the result, while the uninitiated may not have the same connection with these characters, and therefore may be left wondering, "What's the big deal?"


What is the deal? A defrocked priest is receiving visions of people being kidnapped and the FBI have to involve ex-agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. Much like this summer's Indiana Jones movie, it takes a few minutes to get back into the groove of the characters, but once the actors settle in, the movie hits it stride. The monster of the week portion of the film is a modern day retelling of Frankenstein, but the real thrust of the movie is an exploration of faith and trust. Billy Connoly does a great job playing the pedophile priest that makes Scully and Mulder question the trust of each other and Scully's own faith as a physician and Catholic. It is an interesting theme that is oddly out of place for the summer blockbuster season. I can't Help but think this movie would have played out better if it had been released in the winter, the setting of the actual film. The cold nature of this personal quest of balancing faith, trust, and belief while solving a diabolical series of abductions was a mismatch from the start for the whole affair.

Many of the things that The X-Files did well from the show translated favorably to the screen. The use of music by the original eerie music producer Mark Snow gave a familiar and chilling air to the film. The humor fans were so accustomed to in the show was used to great affect here, lending natural levity to the serious situation around them. And for the liberals in the crowd (full disclosure, myself included) there's a killer George W. Bush joke at the beginning. The theme of believer versus skeptic is also plays out on screen, with Scully reverting back to her role as disbeliever, all the while being faced with the possibility that belief is a matter of perspective.

There are a few odd and clunky aspects to this film that no doubt contributed to the poor reception by the critics. The subplot of Scully trying to help find a cure for a young man is a bit forced and slows the flow of the main plot. Carter and Spotnitz try to tie this in with the pursuit of faith, but it is hampered by the far more interesting abduction/Frankenstein plot. While the removal of all doubt about the relationship between Mulder and Scully is finally laid to rest, once established, the filmmakers dwell on the fact for far too long.

Overall, this film was for the fans of the show who appreciate the monster of the week diversions that made up over three out of every four episodes in the show. It is always hard to return and time always creates fonder memories of cherished characters. Living up to expectations can be a difficult task, one that the filmmakers did not meet or exceed. But few do. Enjoy this film for what it, an exploration in findijng faith in darkest corners of life.


X-Files #0 (Wildstorm)
Wildstorm fortunately brings back The X-Files to the funny book pages with this "zero issue" of a new series. The story focuses on a girl kidnapped in 1991 showing up dead seventeen years later in a murdered man's house having not aged a day. The story deals with the classic X-Files concept of possession. It is written by Spotnitz and features excellent art by Brian Denham.

The ongoing series will be based between seasons 2-5, an interesting choice with the focus of the movie was on the future. It's also an odd statement since this story takes place in 2008. This may have been simply a misprint in the issue, but if you do the math that the murdered girl is abducted in 1991 and is found seventeen years later, this poses a conundrum with X-Files continuity since Agents Mulder and Scully have been out of the FBI for five years and are not reinstated on screen in I Want to Believe (in fact, quite the opposite; they are seen as being far away from the FBI after the credits).

Despite this small complaint, this is a great beginning to the new series. Let's hope Wildstorm avoids some of the legal and editorial issues that plagued the excellent Topps series. The X-Files is a property that is well-suited for comic books, especially given the success of other televised cult properties like Buffy and Angel. But it goes beyond just having a built in audience. Comic books are a great venue for exploring the fantastic. The X-Files works great within the scope of the medium. This issue does what X-Files does best. It tells a compelling, scary story that entertains and asks questions, offering few direct answers, leaving the reader wanting more.
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X-Files: The Other X-Title (part 2) - Best Of

by Brandon

Aliens versus monsters! No, this isn't a review of Aliens versus Predator ( two word review; shit sandwich). This is my look at the best of The X-Files. The entirety of The X-Files run was a balance between the "myth-arc" alien conspiracy episodes and the "monster of the week" oriented episodes. Here are my top five episodes of each!

Myth-arc/Conspiracy Episodes

"Pilot" 1-1
A more perfect pilot may exist out there, but not for my money. This was the perfect introduction to the series. We meet Agents Mulder and Scully for the first time, as well as one of the central villains of the series, The Cigarette Smoking Man. The mythology of the conspiracy episodes all begin here as Mulder and Scully investigate the strange disappearance and death of some high schoolers.

"The Erlenmeyer Flask" 1-24
This episode is one of the most iconic due to its image of the "alien fetus." I can literally remember seeing this for the first time and having chills run wildly over my body. Creepy. In terms of story, this final episode of the first season really tied up the first season succinctly, more so than any other season finale. The first season paints a picture of paranoia and a web of government lies and betrayal. It was probably the only complete season from beginning to end, as if Chris Carter thought the series may not be picked up for a second season. This episode also introduces Mulder's motto in Deep Throat's dying words; trust no one.

"The Truth" 9-19 & 9-20
The final episode of the series proved to be a great review of the show, and answers some essential questions, though not all. Mulder is put on trial and sentenced to death. The colonization of earth is set and we see the return, and death, of the Cigarette Smoking Man. The episode ends with Scully and Mulder escaping and making it to a hotel. Mulder's last words are, "Maybe there's hope." This is a perfect summation of the show. Despite the mass paranoia and distrust, there is hope.

"Colony/End Game" 2-16 & 2-17
This two-part story introduces the Alien Bounty Hunter concept to the X-Files. Mulder is investigating his sister Samantha's abduction and actually finds her. However, she was a clone! It is revealed that there are many clones of Samantha and that the real Samantha is still alive. The Alien Bounty Hunter would show up periodically throughout the rest of the series in different forms, providing a larger backdrop to a rumored alien invasion. This was the first real proof that live aliens actually exist in The X-Files.


"Nothing Important Happened Today Pt. 1 & 2" 9-01 & 9-02
This is one of the best episodes featuring Agent John Doggett. As a member of The X-Files, Doggett still remains largely skeptical about the investigations he is still partaking in, but is becoming a believer. Doggett is investigation two things this season; Deputy Director Kirsh and finding Fox Mulder. Doggett encounters frustration at every turn with these investigations, which makes him more of a believer than doubter. Viewers see Doggett grow exponentially in these two episodes. The title comes from the great journal entry of King George III on July 4, 1776.


Monster of the Week Episodes

"The Post-Modern Prometheus" 5-05
This is porbably the strangest, yet most satisfying episodes of the show. It starts as a modern day retelling of Frankenstein, a bleak story shot in black and white, but later morphs into a fourth-wall-breaking tale. It has a great comic book connection, with the character Mutato. And... the episode features Cher *and* Jerry Springer! How could it be bad? Mulder asks the comic book writer to write a different ending, which he does. Excellent episode and highly recommended.

"X-COPS" 7-12
X-Files + COPS + a fear eating monster = awesome. This episode is hilarious just due to the camera work, done by actual COPS cameramen. This was a great spoof because it wasn't just a send-up of the COPS format, but it had a solid, scary story of fear.

"Squeeze" & "Tooms" 1-03 & 1-22
Tooms was by far one of the creepiest monsters featured in the X-Files. Tooms could squeeze and stretch his body to reach victims through small shafts. He was a creepy serial killer that gave Mulder and Scully fits, twice no less. He was one of the few characters to show up twice. He needed to eat livers in order to hibernate for another thirty years. See, creepy.

"Irresistible" & "Orison" 2-13 & 1-07
Donnie Pfaster was another one of those characters who appeared twice. And he was scary in his own right; he was a necrophiliac who eventually developed an unhealthy taste for Agent Scully. He would be captured, but escaped to seek Scully once more. Scully proved that she was not a damsel in distress by killing him. I hate to use the word "creepy" again, but it fits Donnie.

"Kill Switch" 5-11
Much like an episode in the first season, this episode deals with an AI technology gaining sentience. This episode is of note because it is written by two science fiction, William Gibson and Tom Maddox. This is a classic example of technology gone wild, trying to kill those that would kill it. This theme was common in the X-Files, but this is the probably the best due to its Class-A writers. They would return to write another great episode in the seventh season called "First person Shooter" that explore the same themes.

Of course, there are more great episodes. There were probably fewer than ten episodes that I didn't enjoy throughout the initial X-Files run.

I'll check in Sunday with a review of the new film, a "monster of the week" extravaganza!

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X-Files: The Other X-Title (part 1) - An Appreciation

by Brandon

X-Week rolls on with The X-Files. X-Files? Yes! There's no need to cry foul! In case you have been living under a rock or wasting away your soul by playing Grand Theft Auto, Agents Mulder and Scully are returning. Like the X-Men, the X-Files have a huge cult following and the show has spawned a legendary mythos within the Sci-Fi fan community. But unlike the X-Men, there are no secondary mutations involved. But are there? The new movie opens this Friday, but today I will look at the beloved series which spawned the new film.

I guess I would be classified as one of those weirdos who believes in the paranormal and unexplainable side of life. That's not to say that I necessarily believe in little green men from Mars or things that go bump in the night. However, I do hold both a healthy skepticism in the government's record with truth and a great interest in the fantastic. I do believe in ghosts. I believe in UFO's. I do believe that there are things we humans cannot and will never be able to explained by using science. As a result, When The X-Files premiered it literally gave me a hitching post to nail my beliefs and interests to.

From beginning to end, I never missed an episode of The X-Files. I remember when the first episode aired. My twin brother and I were blown away, and the reaction was confirmed in gym class the following Monday. The geeky kids had culled together on an end of the basketball courts to play away from the jocks. Alan immediately brought it up, but the amassed fanboys immediately began to chatter. I think Alan would eventually end up in jail for selling drugs, but I stuck with my X-Files addiction. It probably cost me getting some "boo-tay" with the ladies, but I think I ended up getting the better end of the deal.

Agents Mulder and Scully represented a classic fictional dichotomy; believer versus skeptic, acceptance versus skepticism. As characters, they played off of each other perfectly. As actors, they were cast perfectly. There were many layers to their relationship. They were antagonists at first, but they eventually became partners, almost equals. There was always a simmering sexual attraction between the two, the type that frustrates fans, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

Fox Mulder was damaged goods due to the tragedy of his sister's abduction. Mulder was the guiding force for the series, even during his absence from the series' last two seasons. Fox was a complicated character who wanted to find the "truth", but who may not have been comfortable with the answers he finds. It was as if he was constantly afraid of his own investigations, but that fear would drive him to continue. He was fearless and fearful all at once. He represent the morbid and often horrifying curiosity we have with the unexplained. People always want to see what is hiding under their bed, but few want to face it eye to eye. Mulder fascinated us all for his mind, so easy to believe the strange. Mulder never really grew much as a character. Rather, he devolved further and further into his own obsessions until by the last episode they had nearly consumed him.

Dana Scully was a savvy skeptic for much of the series run, someone who always questioned what she was seeing. Whereas Mulder guided the show, Scully was the emotional heart of the series. The viewers connected with Scully more so than Mulder because she was like us; she did not want to believe. For Scully, ignorance was not necessarily bliss, but rather a puzzle to reconcile with what we knew. Her rational approach to the many adventures she had grounded the show. Yet she had to admit to herself more often than not that she could not create a litmus test for all reality. As the series progressed and Mulder slowly left the show, she became the believer. She grew the most as a character because of her experience.

Many fans complain that the last two seasons were the weakest, but I respectfully disagree. While the loss of Mulder and the reduced role of Scully severely disappointed fans, the addition of Agent John Doggett and Monica Reyes provided a new dynamic for the investigation of the unexplainable. Like always, the shows were split into two categories, the conspiracy episodes and the monster-of-the-week episodes. The series is best remembered for the conspiracy episodes, but those made up only a small fraction in relation with the monster episodes. Those were always my favorite. The writers of The X-Files showed a great diversity in their storytelling ability, the type of diversity most sci-fi television shows, let alone any other genre, could hope to deliver. In a way, it's wrong to boil the X-Files down to just alien abductions.

The X-Files was at its best when they were exploring the fringes of horror. I can remember being scared out of my mind during those first three seasons. I lived in a log cabin in the middle of the woods back then. Do you realize how many episodes have that set up? Enough to where I always had to have my brother in the living room with me with plenty of lights on. My roommate in college and I made an event of Sunday nights when The X-Files was on. Pizza, beer, and potato chips were our best friend during those years.

I would also have terrible dreams after watching The X-Files and loved every minute of it. I never get that feeling with most of the horror shows or films that are churned out of Hollywood these days. I hope I'll be scared again this weekend.

God, I loved that show. I miss it.

Tomorrow, I'll post my favorite episodes from the series. See you then! Read more!

From Top to Bottom: Comic Book Movie Sequels

by Matt

Welcome to the 11th edition of the weekly "From Top to Bottom" column! Every week I will look at something within the comics industry and give you my opinion on what I think is the best and what I think ranks amongst the bottom-feeders.

Last week, I celebrated Canada Day by looking at the Top and Bottom of Alpha Flight characters. Today, because I am SOOOO excited for the new Batman and Hellboy sequels to come out, I thought it would be fun to rate my favorite Comic Book Movie Sequels. We all know they will pull huge crowds and make a buttload of money but can a comic book movie sequel be any good? Is there a chance that it could be better than the original? Have they EVER been good? Am I WAY too hyped for Batman and Hellboy sequels? All these questions will be answered and more!

I'll answer one of those questions right off the bat. Yes, I'm really hyped and excited for the new Batman and Hellboy sequels and I hope they deliver. Sequels like, The Empire Strikes Back and Aliens really spoiled me when I was younger. Those were excellent sequels and were a perfect example of how a sequel should work. Most sequels have paled in comparison to these and I come out of the movie theatre slightly disappointed. Some sequels I have enjoyed and I am pretty forgiving for some of them (Star Wars Episodes I-III for example) but most are not as good as the original. Only a few, rare sequels have made me excited and were in my opinion better than the original. Here are my Top 3 Comic Book Movie Sequels followed by my Bottom 3 which I wished I rented instead.


3) Blade II
I was blown away by the first Blade and I had some high expectations for this installment and I was not disappointed. I have always loved seeing heroes and villains teaming up for the greater good (a theme you will see a little later) and this was fantastic! Blade and the Bloodpack team form a very uneasy truce and Reinhardt (Ron Perlman) was a great foil to Blade.








2) Superman II
Kneel before Zod! I have fond memories of this film and looking back on it, I found that it is pretty cheesy (the memory kiss and the huge cellophane Superman symbol) but when I was a kid, this had a fight to end all fights! I always thought Superman was sort of a wuss but I got chills when he asked Zod to step outside. Even Superman was going to kick some ass!









1) X2: X-Men United
I went into the first X-Men movie expecting nothing and came out shaking my head in disbelief. They actually made an X-Men movie that worked! Going into X2 I was hyped beyond measure and I was not disappointed. This movie had everything, I couldn't have asked for more. I couldn't believe how hardcore Wolverine was when he was chopping down those soldiers. The opening scene with Nightcrawler teleporting everywhere, Storm making the tornadoes, Magneto teaming up with the good guys (I love that!), Mystique fighting it solo, Deathstrike and Wolverine's fight, oh I could go on and on and on about how much I LOVE this movie!

I wish all sequels had this effect on me but sadly this is not the case. Some sequels have been good but not as great as the original (Spider-Man 2 for example) and some have just been plain awful. Here are my Bottom 3 Comic Book Movie Sequels, that I wish I could have gotten a refund.

3) Fantastic Four 2: The Rise of the Silver Surfer
I have to give this movie a little credit. It is vastly better than the first and it does have my favorite sequel plot device (heroes and villains teaming up for the greater good) but it fails on so many layers. And how can they make uber-hot Jessica Alba not so hot? How the blue hell is that possible? This movie had a lot of potential, combine that with my hype for the movie (I thought the trailers looked good) and my expectations far exceeded what was made. I kept thinking "if only" throughout the whole movie. So close but yet so far.




2) Superman IV: The Quest for Peace
Nuclear Man? I hated Superman III so much that I thought this Superman HAD to be better. How could they possibly make another bad Superman? Boy, was I wrong and I was HUGELY disappointed. The plot, the acting and the dialogue was horrible. Trapping Nuclear Man in an elevator?

In the words of G.O.B.,

"C'mon!"







1) Batman and Robin
My wife and I were engaged at the time this came out and I was looking to expose comics to her slowly and I thought seeing this movie together would help. This damaged that more than it helped. I have never been more embarrassed to be a comic collector than I was when Batman and Robin kicked their boots together to get "Bat-Skates". I wanted to die at that moment. Right then, I knew this was going to be a crappy movie. And that was just the start, we were treated to some horrible acting and even more horrible dialogue. This movie killed the chance of any comic book movie being made for a very long time.


Here is for hoping that The Dark Knight and Hellboy: The Golden Army show how to make sequels! I'll see you in line Friday night.

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BG Roundtable: Favorite Pixar Characters

by Betsy

With Wall-E out in theaters, there is a lot of talk around Bad Genious Mansion about Pixar movies and the memorable characters therein.

Friendly Neighborhood Editor Liana said, "Hey, let's do a roundtable. I call dibs on editing. There's nothing more fun than editing a roundtable!" I said, "Step aside, catlicker. I'm editing this one.

I wonder why she was snickering at me behind her hand.

I figured, how hard can it be? Everyone tells who their favorite character is, I do some copy-paste, and we're done.

"So, geniouses," I asked at our morning meeting, "Who's your favorite Pixar character?"

Tyler says, "I liked The Incredibles." Doug agrees - that movie was fantastic. That's well and good, but we're looking for a favorite character. Do you like Dash? Violet? Edna Mode? Suddenly, things get quiet at Bad Genious Mansion.

I employ my time-honored editorial trait of glaring and banging my fist on my desk to make my coffee cup jump in the air. I figure if it works for J. Jonah Jameson, it'll work for me. Finally, Jon chimes in.

"Elastigirl. Favorite means 'most want to sleep with,' right?" Because I think Elastigirl is awesome and am secretly writing a future post about her, I will accept this answer.

Dan, Yoda bless him, is considerably more helpful. He muses, "Mater or Sulley? Sulley or Mater? Well, they had a fight to the pain and Sulley wins my heart. Hard-working. Logical. Realistic. All things that make a great character! Oh, who am I kidding, I love Sulley because he’s a big huggable furballarific Kitty!"

Meanwhile, at Cindy's house, they're still a bit confused about the topic of this week's roundtable. Cindy marches right up to my coffee-stained desk and says, "I polled the members of my home for their favorite Pixar movies. My 12 year-old son, Jackson, had to think about it for a minute. My however many years-old boyfriend quickly responded, "The Incredibles, no doubt!" Jackson replies, "Oh yeah, The Incredibles!" I do love that movie, but I have to pick Finding Nemo, simply for giving us, Dorie. She's so open and devoid of edginess. She's funny without being overly clever. She's genuine without being too sappy. All the while, she's a fish, the only animated fish ever to almost bring me to tears. Not bad at all for a fish."

Technically, Cindy and her family got confused on the whole character vs. movie question. But, not only did Cindy bring me a cup of coffee along with her completed assignment, she also gave me an idea: we need to ask some kids.

First up were Sarah and her son Callum. Sarah, like any good parent, has watched a lot of Pixar movies and was able to give this matter a lot of thought.

"Pixar has a plethora of great characters from their films, some of Callum's and my favourites are Dorie from Finding Nemo and Buzz from Toy Story. However there is one film that has what are probably our two favorite characters in.

"Which film is this and who are those characters? Well it is the film Cars. From the first viewing of this film (and boy have we watched this a good few times, probably triple figure viewings) there was one outright winner for my son Callum, yep Lightning McQueen. In the words of a four-year-old boy who is car crazy 'He's cool, he's red, he drives fast but best of all he is a talking car, you can't get cooler than that, well apart from if he was blue he should have worked for Dynoco.' Callum has every version we've managed to track down of the Mattel's Lightning McQueen Car, he can quote line after line of Lightning's from the film and quite often you will hear him going round going 'Ka-chow! Ka-ching!'

As for who my favorite character is, it is Mater:

Mater: My name is Mater.
Lightning McQueen: Mater?
Mater: Yeah, like tuh-mater, but without the "tuh."

I love everything about this adorable character, his simplicity at seeing things in life to his loving heart, plus he's pretty funny. You can't help but love Mater."

Next, I had Chris ask his daughter Cassie who her favorite Pixar character is. Because Cassie is crazy for all things princess - and Pixar is princess free at the moment - he gave her a bit of direction.

Chris: Cassie, who do you like more: Buzz, Woody, Jessie, Sully, Mike, Boo, or Lightning McQueen.
Cassie: You mean the ride?
Chris: No, which of those characters is your favorite?
Cassie: Ummmm... Buzz!
Chris: Buzz?
Cassie: Yeah.
Chris: Why?
Cassie: Fly!
Chris: Because he flies?
Cassie: Yeah. I like flying.

Chris adds, "I figured she would have said Mike or Sully because she used to watch Monsters Inc. about once a day (if not more). I wonder if her choice has something to do with the fact that she loved the Buzz Lightyear ride at Disneyland.

I'd probably have to go with Sully. He's loyal, brave, and has a strong sense of right and wrong. Plus, he sticks up for his friends."

Of course, I knew that if I was going to ask some kids, I should probably talk to my own. So, I asked Jack who his favorite Pixar character was. Without hesitation, he threw in with Cassie: Buzz Lightyear all the way. And why? Like Cassie, Jack digs the fact that Buzz can fly... never mind that according to Woody, he doesn't fly so much as he falls with style. Jack added that he likes that Buzz is friends with Woody and thinks that he's funny.

Thanks to Jack, my husband Steve has watched many the Pixar movie. His favorite character is Marlin, from Finding Nemo. Steve says, "I can really relate to Marlin. Being a father is so important to him, and he does everything he can to protect Nemo and keep him safe. Unfortunately, that causes him to be overprotective, which I can be too. I hope that, like Marlin, I can gain the courage to let Jack fall down - and to let him succeed even when I think he might not."

As for me, I had to give this matter a lot of thought. I love Elastigirl, but like I said, I'm saving my thoughts about her for a future post. I like Jessie's spunkiness and spirt of adventure. I even have a soft spot for Andy in Toy Story, whose vivid imagination reminds me of Jack's. But right now, my heart belongs to Wall-E. I adore his curiosity and the magpie way that he keeps interesting objects he finds. He is incredibly loyal and loving to EVE, he's funny, and he even enjoys a good musical.

Ha! Editing a roundtable isn't so hard. All you have to do is get your kids to do the work for you. Until the next roundtable, in which we ask our children about their favorite issue of Preacher, chime in, lurkers: who is your favorite Pixar character?

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Midnight Mass - Watching The Incredible Hulk

by Brandon

I don't do this often, honest. The plan was so deliciously perfect. My friend and co-worker Scott and I catch all sorts of shitty movies together that my significant other won't see with me. Scott's my rock 'n roll friend, but with a fanboy twist. The last two weeks of school were agonizing, but his plan to catch a midnight showing of Hulk in celebration was too tantalizing. The plan was set, the tracks laid. Now all we could do was wait and simmer in geekiness. Preparations must be made.

Here is the truth; I am not a huge fan of the Hulk. Nor would I even consider my knowledge of the Hulk to be anywhere near encyclopedic. if anything, my knowledge of the Hulk would probably more resemble Wikipedia after your twelve year old cousin went through and blindly edited several pages to include crude jokes about Hulk's penis size. I enjoy the Ultimate version far more than the Marvel version. My only real, extended exposure to the anti-hero in Green was with the Bruce Jones run, which apparently a large swath of Hulk fans pretty much hated. Planet Hulk? I skipped it. World War Hulk? Meh. This Red Hulk business? Check, please.

You see, I like Bruce Banner oriented-Hulk books more than just Hulk Smash books. Why? Because with Bruce there seems to be a lot more character development, more that I can relate to. With Hulk, you pretty much get what you expect; Hulk smashes shit. While this can be entertaining, it's generally not enough for me to keep reading.

I, like many fans, have been very skeptical about this possibly-too-soon remake of the franchise. This honest dose of skepticism is well deserved. The 2003 Ang Lee film brings up a Spinal Tap moment for a two word review; shit sandwich. I'm happy that he was able to follow it up with a masterpiece like Brokeback Mountain. Not many directors could rebound from such an incredible flub like Hulk (pun intended).

Our plan to see Hulk at midnight needed some rigid preparations that we would slavishly adhered to. It was like preparing for the Geek Olympics. We wanted a Medal for seeing it at midnight. The preparations for our midnight excursion were thus;

1) Go to bed late on Wednesday night. This is not an easy thing for two teachers accustomed to rising early and going to bed even earlier.
2) Wake up late on Thursday morning.
3) At 9 PM Thursday, drink a pot of coffee. Caffeinated, please.
4) Mentally prepare yourself by reading comic books.
5) Arrive at theater around 11:30 PM to bask in the geekiness and talk shop.

We each followed our merry plan to completion. I read some comics that had absolutely nothing to do with Hulk so I could go in fresh; Punisher War Journal, Star Wars: Legacy, and Conan were my brews of choice. I got in my car and made it to the theater. My people were there. There was every variety of fanboy and fangirl present, as if Noah had parked the Ark outside of the local comic shop and took us fans two-by-two into his warm embrace. There were lots of young folks too. Nothing ages you more than a gaggle of teens and college students.

The theater was abuzz with anticipation. As Scott and I found our seats, we heard snippets of at least twelve conversations we could have easily contributed to along the way. Someone was talking about how the Cap scene was taken out. Another was discussing the new War Zone trailer on the net. Yet another was talking about he was done with these "bullshit events." My people. Chance are since you're reading this, your people too.

The theater manager entered to warm up the crowd. He let us know about all the other midnight shows coming up. Once he huddled off, the previews began and the film opened up. The bright, catchy introduction began to play that we have come to expect from Marvel films, sufficiently covering the origin of our hero in green. What happened next took us all by surprise.

It was a great Hulk film.

Maybe our expectations were too low, but everyone in the theater applauded at the end. I hadn't seen that happen in a long time. I won't spoil anything for you, kind reader, but I will say that you are in for a treat when you hit the theater. It is not a perfect film, but it probably ranks just below Iron Man in terms of quality. There's a little humor. There's a little romance. There's a lot of action. You definitely leave the theater wanting more, which is always a good thing. The future looks bright for Hulk.

The rest of my day just looks plain sleepy. Read more!

BG Roundtable Special: I Am Iron Man

by Liana

Well the fever has broken and the BG is in love. Do you think the Iron Man movie will marry us? Are there laws against that kind of thing? Maybe we could just lock it in our basement or something. But no, because then the world would not get to enjoy the amazing, astonishing, incredible, spectacular….you know, these adjectives just don’t seem quite right. The Iron Man movie ROCKED.

Steve - What a fantastic way to kick off the 2008 summer movie season! From the whiz bang opening to the crowd pleasing daydream of an epilogue, this film felt like it was made by a big group of people that cared. Even better, the principal players had the artistry, charm and comedic timing to convert that caring into a two hour story that made me grin, laugh and slap my wife on the leg twice.

Patrick - I loved it.

Cindy - I don't want to oversell it and spoil anyone's enjoyment of it. So I won't say that I came.

Jon Quixote - I loved it too. It met my lofty expectations.

Brandon - Iron Man was a great comic book film, possibly the best Marvel has done thus far. The casting was just perfect!

Steve - Robert Downey, Jr. gets Tony Stark. At the start of the film, Downey portrays Stark as a man teetering on the fine line that separates rogue and asshole. By the end, he manages to portray a hero without sacrificing the bad boy charm - not an easy feat.

Doug - Robert Downey Jr. OWNS this role. He's good in every single aspect...funny when it's needed, plays the jetsetting rock star playboy to a "T", emotes well in the serious scenes, and is even a believable badass at action time.

What about the rest of the casting? Your FNE was shocked how much she liked Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts. She was won over early, with the “take the trash out" line.

Cindy - Yeah, she was really good in the role. I couldn't decide who was hotter, her Pepper or RDJ's Tony. I was very conflicted.

Doug - Jeff Bridges plays Obadiah Stane the way Kevin Spacey should have played Lex Luthor.

Whoa. This is getting too lovey dovey. Anyone have any complaints that aren't about Superman Returns?

Vocal Minority - I can't actually think of a superhero adaptation I've been to where I've not gone away--at least in part--thinking about the bits that didn't work. Iron Man broke that run. If you press me about it now I might be able to summon a few niggles, and in a few months who knows.

Doug - The biggest problem specific to this movie is that the big ending battle didn't really offer anything original.

Quixote - I didn't really like how Stane transforms into an idiot crazy into the last act. I mean, let's say he kills Iron Man and escapes SHIELD. What's next for this billionaire on the run? I understand the need for a big slugfest at the end. In fact, I demand one. But Stane was so smart and calculating throughout, it was a shame to see him all of a sudden flick a switch and become rampaging psycho villain in a 60's comic. "First I'll kill you Stark and then... I'll rob a jewelry store!"

Doug - The biggest problem common to this movie and all "origin" movies is that the time spent introducing and developing characters and establishing relationships is time I found myself saying "Let's get back to the action already!" But that time is necessary and done well here.

Dan - I don't think Iron Man dragged or suffered at all from going through the origin story. It was incredibly well done and even though I was very familiar with it, it was a lot of fun, exciting and even felt new. The same definitely can't be said of other super-hero flicks like Spider-Man or X-Men when it's the backstory everyone knows for an entire movie (Spider-Man) or team building for three-quarters of the movie (X-Men).

Was anyone else slightly annoyed that even though we saw Tony have to practice working his suit a whole lot, Obadiah Stane just hopped into his suit and worked it like a pro on his first go?

Chris – Yes. I also thought the reveal of him being Iron Man seemed to be too soon. I thought it would have been better in the middle of the next film.

Doug - The last four words before the credits ROCKED.

It was a total rock star moment. They set it up perfectly, with Tony expressing his own disbelief with the bodyguard story and Robert Downey Jr.'s slow, nuanced realization that he could be a superhero and immediately running with it. Sorry Chris, but you’re wrong. That was a Great Movie Moment. So it is edited, so it is true.

Okay people, time to wrap this up. Your Friendly Neighborhood Editor wants to eat her soup while it’s still hot.

Quixote – Man, did the movie ever look goood. So clean and crisp and clear and bright and shiny.

Steve - Much like Sam Raimi did for the first two Spider-Man movies, Jon Favreau elevates an already above average script by injecting unexpected and welcome humor. The “relationship” between Stark and his robotic arm assistant is a hilarious running cinematic gag, “cinematic” in the truest sense of the word because the laughs completely relied upon angles and timing.

Cindy -I enjoyed Tony's relationship with his little robot arm helpers. That and the fact that he gave Jarvis such an interactive personality really shows how isolated he was from actual people.

Doug - Jarvis is very cool and a great touch for us fanboys. And there's a plane with a stripper pole.

VM - A plane with a stripper pole! What more could you ask for?

Steve - Unlike lowbrow dreck like X-Men 3, Fantastic Four and Transformers, this is a film that deserves to make the hundreds of millions that greet tent pole movies. From this extremely pleased audience member’s point of view, this project was a labor of love for the writers, director and actors. They should be thrilled with what they created.

Ratified.
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The Defense Never Rests: The Best Comic Book Casting

by Jon Quixote

Welcome to The Defense Never Rests, where I speak the truth and you agree with me. Those of you who know me also know there are two things that I love: boozing and lists. So in honor of the preternatural and dangerous casting of recovering addict Robert Downey, Jr. as flamboyant addict Tony Stark, we’re going to be looking at the top 10 best-cast comic book roles. The list was generated via a scientific method based largely around what I think, and is therefore extremely relevant.

Let’s get started.


10 - Patrick Stewart, Professor X
We open with the easy one. In the 10 years or so prior to the release of X-Men, and especially in the 6 years following the death of Telly Savalas, if you asked any reasonably nerdy fellow who should play Professor X in a hypothetical X-Men movie, to a man they would have said Patrick Stewart (Wolverine casting, however, remained sharply divided into Robert De Niro and Mel Gibson factions). The bald, inactive, authoritative commander of the U.S.S. Enterprise was the obvious choice for the bald,inactive, authoritative commander of everybody's favorite gang of angsty mutants.


9 – Michael Keaton, Bruce Wayne/Batman
The emails from this pick will probably tell me how many people read this blog. I’d better remember to clean out my inbox. Affection has waned for the Burton Batman movies in the wake of the Nolan Era (and deservedly so), but, ironically, time has been kind to the choice that seemed to be the lone criticism amidst waves of hype 20 years ago. Keaton’s Wayne is a broken man-child, Batman is his mask, and the former-Beetlejuice delivers a nuanced performance that integrates the two personalities as the movie progresses. Batman has been subjected to a vast number of interpretations in comics and film, and while Keaton’s Batman is not my ideal Batman, it’s an interesting and intelligent take on the Dark Knight.


#8 – Brandon Lee, Eric Draven/The Crow
Would we look back so fondly upon Lee’s performance as the rock ’n' roll avenger from beyond the grave if he hadn’t given his life in the service of eerie symmetry? Would the affection endure if we were currently watching Lee star in direct-to-video calibre versions of The Crow vs. Predator? (Actually, that sounds pretty awesome). Lee was an action star whose few movies prior to The Crow were marked by acrobatic fight scenes, a modicum of charisma, and terrible, terrible acting. But the acting got better and the charisma got ratcheted up for Lee’s swan song, leaving us wondering what would have happened if he’d had the opportunity to capitalize on a well-deserved success.


#7 – Raul Julia, Gomez Addams
Another out-of-left field casting choice, and another attempt to turn my list into the march of the dead. Julia’s career playing Shakespeare, Suave Drug Lords, and Sodomites were apparently excellent practice for playing the creepy, kooky, and lusty Addams patriarch. He was so good that he not only defined Addams for a new generation, but he even superimposed himself over John Astin in the minds of many members of the previous one. Cara mia!


#6 – Jane Fonda, Barbarella
You know you’ve made an impression on a young fella when you make him want to touch himself while watching On Golden Pond. And you did just that, Ms. Fonda. It all goes back to this sexy space romp (or was it a spacey sex romp?) and one of the greatest bombshells of all time. Heck, recent revelations that director Roger Vadim had you playing sex games and participating in threesomes during your Barbarella period even resulted in me renting Monster-In-Law one sad, lonely night.

P.S. – If Rose McGowan winds up playing this role in the rumoured remake, I swear to Christ I will punch Robert Rodriguez in the ballsack.


#5 – Jim Carrey, Stanley Ipkiss/The Mask
Ah, 1994. Mr. Carrey started it as the “white guy” on In Living Color. He ended it as the biggest movie star in the world. Meanwhile, I was watching Barbarella on loop in my parents’ basement. Who really had the better year? But while Ace Ventura and Dumb and Dumber seemed to be the movies that really caught the public's eye, it was Carrey’s role as a repressed bank teller who winds up possessed by the spirit of Loki that showed he was more than just a rubber face, giving him a chance to flash some dramatic chops that would letter be given center stage in Oscar-worthy dramedies such as The Truman Show and…

… well, The Truman Show was awesome.


#4 – The Cast of Sin City
I was initially just going to put Marv up here (editor’s note – don’t talk about editing in your articles, Jon), but then I remembered how Jessica Alba gave me shortness of breath as Nancy, the hottest stripper to never take her clothes off. And that led me to remembering Bruce Willis’s gritty, Eastwoodian honest cop. And then there’s also Greasy Benecio Del Toro, and Clive Owen announcing himself as a true superstar, and creepy Elijah Wood and those freakin’ bug-eye glasses. And let’s not forget Carla Guigino’s Guiginos!! Oh the Guiginos!

Hmm… maybe I shouldn’t have written this article while my girlfriend was out of town for the week.


#3 – Kevin Conroy, Bruce Wayne/Batman
I stuck to movies for this article, freeing me from having to work the Bill Bixbys and Lynda Carters of the world into my list. Luckily, Mask of the Phantasm got a theatrical release, so I get to gush over Conroy. But in a world where we’ve seen a zillion different Batmans, this is pretty much the definitive one.


#2 – Hugh Jackman, Wolverine
It was going to be Dougray Scott, y’know. Dougray Scott. He was in Ever After. And he was too busy filming the overlong Mission: Impossible 2 to take this role. And so, the even lesser known Hugh Jackman was tapped to play a short, furry Canadian who, let’s be honest, was never gonna be short and furry in a movie. But Jackman made even the most cynical and whiny comic book fan forget that –charming and feral and cool, I think geekdom can say, with certainty and unanimity, that Jackman made an awesome Wolverine.

And now he’s a superstar, he’s getting tens of millions of dollars for an upcoming Wolverine solo-flick, he’s got a lucrative production deal with Fox, and he just filmed a sex thriller with Michelle Williams.

Dougray Scott? He was second-billed on the recent Hitman movie.


#1 Christopher Reeve, Clark Kent/Superman
I rewatched Superman just the other day and realized how irritable and impatient I was, waiting for Jeff East to get the hell out of there so that Reeve could take over. He’s been called a Curt Swan drawing come to life, and he made us believe a man could fly, but most importantly, Reeve just seemed to get Superman in a way that so few people really seem to do – the nobility, the responsibility, and the inherent sadness that drives the character. Reeve got a lot of deserved praise for his comic portrayal of Clark Kent, and I liked that there was no duality to the character in those scenes. There was just acting – Reeve playing a god playing a man. I recall reading an essay that commented on how Kent looked huge – a big clumsy man who barely fit into the world – while Superman actually looked smaller and sleeker than his alter ego. The observation is spot on, and just one of many nuances Reeve brought to the role. It’s a benchmark performance, and the complexity and emotion in Reeve’s Superman set the stage for every great to decent superhero performance to come.


And with that, we’re left with the question as to where Robert Downey, Jr.’s alcoholic playboy superhero will fit into the definitive list? Considering the fact that this dedicated Method actor has spent the last 20 years researching the role with unmitigated fervour, I have very high hopes. We’ll find out if they’re met on May 2nd, when we all flock to theatres near us to see Iron Man.




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